how to find your soul as an american ex-pat

the (rare, elusive and fervently longed for) GOLDEN ORB

2009-12-07T10:13:00.002+01:00

this...

it is ordained, is the entire key to my happiness....

and ...

to my sanity.....

This is what I hope and pray for every day when I wake up.....

just even a little bit.....

jsut to glimse a sight of ....

the elusive, the rare, the precious beyond words......

the GOLDEN ORB......

known normally as the SUN...

but see the word SUN connotates too much for what I could EVEN hope to get.....Sun has connotations of WARMTH, HEAT, EYE-SHEILDING, STRAPPY DRESSES, BIKINIS, SUN
all of which ......

never happens here......

It has rained pretty much without exception every day since I've gotten back from New York.....all of November and now into december......That's been OVER a month now......

and, on my morning walks to the bus to SFI( aka Swedish torture language class).....I have since come to discover that there are a bunch of numskullheads over here that have painted their houses this pale pissy light light blueish grey in the part of Goteborg where we live... ( well, I saw it all summer, but it didn't bother me then as much...)

..... UNTIL I realized, that the dull perpetually grey paint on these houses.....

perfectly MATCH the COLOR of this grey dismal crap sky that is what we know as DAYTIME , in these here parts.....

So, they blend in,perfectly....in fact,

so well, that , walking around in the "daylight":

I have to be careful NOT to RUN INTO ONE of them!!!!!....

oh, for a sighting of the GOLDEN ORB....how I wish my SUNLAMP prescribed to me by my beloved old shrink back in New York( YES! there we have shrinks- thank God....) How I wish it diidn't wind up BUSTEDon the floor of my storage unit in Queens.....

I'll take FAKE LIGHT.....
......any light.....

(and it seems I'll also take ANY GOOD excuse- such as this - to wiggle out of studying this MORK FORM ORK LANGUAGE that i have to study!......)

Swedish PHRASE of the DAY:

SOLEN SKINER ! aka-THE SUN IS SHINING- and that's [WHEEENER ] to you engelska folks- WHEEE NERRRR! ( and ANOTHER queer as hell word for the swedish vocabulary)

LESSON FOR THE SOUL FOR THE DAY: God made the SUN and that's WHY we should have some of it! ALL OF US!!!!even up here on the Polar Ice Cap.....

I should start a Golden Orb Devotional Society around here....... every month, just a trip to go find somewhere where it STILL exists......

i know : grumble and pray, grumble and PRAY.......

Labels: sunshine

grow a RYGGRAD , won't you!?

2009-12-06T14:05:00.003+01:00

Lest ye think that I can only complain about Sweden......

I am by nature....

a complainer.

Nothing is immune from my eye, ears, tongue or whatever, when I am in the mood to analyze, pick it apart or otherwise dis-embowel it.

I come from New York,( after a childhood in Texas- which explains the LOUD part at least..) and as blessed and happy a lot as we are in New York.....

we are also-

complainers.

Admitedlly or not, the whole lot of us is.

From sun-up to sun down , there is- thankfully....

always something to complain about.

The deli was slow with the bagel this morning, the subway was hung up and we were late....The boss is in a crappy mood ( and there so goes mine), my favourite restaurant closed/was taken over by new management......the tickets are too expensive/too hard to get...you name it. Why that homeless man always hangs out right there every single day just to TRIP ME when I get out of the subway.......The cab driver was from XXXX and has no business driving in this frickin' city till he learns where Saks FIFTH AVENUE is!,etc, etc,etc...

So,after years of practice, I arrived , bag and boxload to this land, simply becuase I was in love with my husband.....

.....armed for another fight.....

I didn't even really have to skip a beat. I arrived to Karlskrona a sleepy little town on the East Coast of Sweden, pretty , simple( good things) and VERY ( deathly) QUIET.

There were some very pretty houses and buildings there, there was a stellar museum there, then there were some also some HORRIFICALLY grotesque new buildings stuck up throughout the town, that no matter where you turned a beautiful historical setting was blighted by the site of something that looked like it was built by a ( east) German architect..... god awful.....

it was only shortly thereafter then,that I noticed the excessive quantities of potatoes that I was consuming--why!?

then, I noticed the PRICES on everything! How come we were STAYING HOME for every meal and it was costing us as much or MORE money to live than going out to a restaurant in NYC every night?!

When I realised that I was also living under a cloud of permanenet GREYNESS,and the SUN was an object worthy of stopping in your tracks to stare devotedly up at....

then I really began to have some BEEF to chew on...

Seemed I had traded one hand of disgruntlements for another.....
There was and remains- one big problem- over here...

I do not think that people remotely know how to take my complaints.

and, I am of the firm belief that they actually..... get offended.

I know that the husband was at first tramatized that he had drug me over here to a place that I apparently had few good things to say about.

Until, I finally helped him to realize that ( if he recalled) that I had done just as much complaining back in the Homeland as I did here, then he BEGAN to take it with a grain of salt. He's about the only one that can deal with it.

See, back in MITT HEMLAND ( NYC) complaining is -a way of BONDING- of coming together as part of that Chic but Huddled Mass of Endurers that PUT UP with WHAT we put up with , to eek out the Benefits of living in the "Best City in the World." Over a coffee in the morning,we all stand around and kvetch and kvell about the train with the smelly homeless man on it during rush hour, the bagel with that weird non-food/hard chunk in it that we had to WRETCH UP over.....

and we all would nod in silent agreement , a story offered up by one or two others that would top that- just to let them know, that ,"hey, we all have it rough, and WE UNDERSTAND, you poor thing!" And walk off to our "miserable days' in silent prayer that the chef at the restaurant tonight really WAS back from holiday and the portobello mushrooms would really be exactly as we wanted.....our day made over a culinary fungine masterpiece, at least.....

But as I said, pretty much everyone else over here, takes it as a personal affront when I complain about having to have 5 kr with me out in the city everytime I have to pee...

Or when I complain about how the language sounds more like a language from one of thsoe weird planets that they visited on Star Trek than a HUMAN language- "I am JAG!".....

Or when I bitch about how AWFUL the quality of produce is at Goteborg's "fanciest"( aka "MOST EXPENSIVE" ) food store, that being ICA FOCUS....(which is my neighborhood grocery)....

Or how come that the biggest tourist attraction in this City is an AMUSEMENT Park?!( Liseberg) which I ALSO happen to live near.....

I'd prefer to say that all I am doing , is calling a "spade a spade." I "complain" and go on, relieved that I've gotten it off my chest and that surely everyone else sees it the way I do....

they DON'T?!....

I have this much to say, and I'll be at peace for the day:

Dear Gentle Swede:

a.) grow a backbone and buck up!

b.) realize that certain things DO suck

c.)resolve to change it.....or

d.) LET ME BITCH. and MAYBE even join in with me!

GUARANTEED- with a little practice, we'll ALL feel better for it!

Lesson for the day: When life gives you lemons, soemtimes the best thing you can do is COMPLAIN about how SOUR it is!- and relish in the SOURNESS of it ALL!

Swedish word for the day: RYGGRAD......that's the BACKBONE grow one! please...

i doubt I'm changing my spots anytime soon.....especially here as I sit , huddled in front of the fire, trying to stave off the DARK COLD DAMP of WINTER! okay?......

to blog..or not to blog.....

2009-11-14T16:24:00.006+01:00

oh, damn, the best laid plans of mice and men.....

I was all destined to be such a damn good blogger- and life .....seems to have gotten in the way,a bit.....

that ,or I have slowed up a bit , in my rage against the system.....

nit really, i still bitch and whine and moan......that will never quit.

This week in SFI class, we had to say what we liked about Sweden, in Swedish and what we didin't like.

I will continue to go on record:

I adore 3 things about Sweden,specifically:

( i svenska)

1.) min man ( that 's da hubbie)- that' gorgoeus wonderful guy up there!

2.) hummar ( or HUMMER) who cares- that's LOBSTER- and yes- this is a photo of a NEw England lobster- but they are basically the same YUMMY THANG!

AND:

3.) jordgubbar- ( that's strawberries) and I think those are DAMN GOOD....

however, one of my bubbles was burst, when saying i SFI klasen vad jag tycker om'd-

my Iranian classmates proceeded to tell me- that Sweden has NOTHING on stawberries compared to the ones from Iran. Now what do I know about that?.....they are nice honest girls- who am I to doubt what they are saying about that?

All in all to say: from time to time, the hubbie asks me to name 10 things that I moved to sweden for, besides him.

right.

( UHH, now considering that sweden was at best only SOMEWHERE on my long list of vacation places, someday in the distant future.....) that's IMPOSSIBLE to answer.

I tell him so.

Then the question gets changed to this:

What are ten things in Sweden you like OTHER THAN ME?- says he:

And my answer- is always-

1.) JORDGUBBAR,

2.) STRAWBERRIES and

3.)you

4.)you

5.)you

and OSV!....

However, my hard callous hert is softening a bit. I think now that I can easily put my ( adopted) family on that list

at this point

and some of the wonderful friends that I have made over here.....( so most of them are ex-pats,but!)...

Yes, slowly , but surely , the list is changing , I have to say......

but isn't that what all this is kinda about.....anyway?......

sorry I've been off so long, I promise to attempt to take 10 minutes away from Farmville every day, to try to write something......It's a LONG FRIGGIN' WINTER ahead.....

God help us all.....

Swedish word of the DAY:

VED- that's FIREWOOD- which the boys are out a fetchin' now....tonight it's lasagna and and fire in the fireplace......

nice .....and ......swedish......

LESSON for the SOUL for the DAY:

God gave you Farmville and VED to pass the time between now and the next Golden Orb siting......Thanks!God!

On "GIFT" idness......what gives with THAT!?

2009-10-06T06:45:00.006+02:00

on weekends away and swedish families....

well, you know you're somewhere for a while , when you run away for the weekend and it's not off to the Berkshires or New England , but off to LISLIK to see your "new " swedish family that isn't even so new anymore!

I say that with all due respect ,they've seen me more than a few times ,too... and we all really do enjoy each other, whew!.....

but, god bless these people- they've put up with speaking english to me- as they reminded me for damn near two years now- and are just about to give up.

Entire dinners are now advertised to moi ( ?huh?) as:" this dinner will be entirely held in swedish".....

and after they haven't heard from me for 5 minutes except an occasional "ja"-or a grunt or a smile..... and my plate is empty because I can hardly ennunciate that I'd like some more LAMB ( uhh, what is THAT!?) someone good-naturedly breaks down and asks me a question in english - and quelle surprise! off I go!....

at any rate, i get encouraged to talk in swedish as much as possible, by just about everyone anymore, so I describe inanely simple stories of SFI horrors and other equally inane and MUNDANE stories.

However, I have worked up a "SCHWEDISH SCHTICK" on our mushroom picking episode this weekend which i will try to recount now-

ENTIRELY UNAIDED BY GOOGLE TRANSLATOR-

JUST SO YOU CAN ALL SEE HOW DAMN LOUSY MY SWEDISH IS.- AND I CAN PROVE OT ONCE AND FOR ALL!

Now mind you, I've practiced this several times now on every family member ( and been summarily corrected) and a couple of people at SFI, so you'd think I'd be good at it.

IN ADVANCE:

forgive the lack of dots here- I'm NOT going to GOOGLE TRANSLATOR remember?! -and my WORLD is a HAPPY DOTLESS WORLD!- so DEAL,OK!?!?

I hellan, Roy och Ilyssa och jag, gick till skogen och plockade svamp.Det var en bra dag for svamp plocker darfor det var reignar mycket och det var kalt ocksa! Sa BRA dag! Roy och Ilyssa tittade och plockade gul kanterelle. Jag vet jag musta titta for gul kanterelle, men jag ser inte.Ocksa, vi kan plockade host( FALL) kanterlle. De ar brun. Sa, jag plocade mycket/manga svampor av mycket olika sortir. Jag tittade en stor AREA( whatever!) av host /brun kanterllar sa jag plockade mycket manga av dem. Jag plokade svampor darfor dem ar snygg och jag tycker om dem! OKAY!?!? Jag hade stor pase om svampor. ROy och Ilyssa har inte sa manga av dem. De hade bara gul kantereller i deras pasor.

Vi tag alla tillbacka hemet och Ilyssa bakade mycket bra smorgas med gula kantereller.MUMS!!!!!

Jag liggade min svampor ut pa bricken. Jag maste hade 7 eller 8 typ /SORTIR?! De var so mycket snygg och sot- (with the dots,ok)! Jag lasa Min ForstaSvamp Boken som Alfie loanade mig! OBS! Jag hade en problem: maste av min svampor were GIFT. ! eller 2 var inte GIFT, men maste dem var! Sa,jag ta mycket manga bilder om de. De var so mycket snygg och gjorde min gladje. Sa dar!! Men,i sluttat, vi kastade alla min utta darfor alla dem var i pase tillsammans och det ar inte so bra!

SO THERE! that only took 15 minutes to write! SO EASY!

I must also ask you to forgive my rather repetitive use of the words "mycket manga"- You see, I could never remember which to use when, and am not so sure I even remember now unless I think on it really hard- but I have been saying "mycket manga" for over a year now ,so muchso , that even my hubbie uses it occassionally. It is a phrase I will undoubtedly always use in the future- so there!

To the ENGLISH SPEAKERS and to those of you that even read SWEDISH but i know without DOTS and the fact that the swedish is so bad you can't really read it anyway.....here in less than a MINUTE is what I said:

This weekend, Roy and Ilyssa and i went mushroom picking in the woods. It was raining a ton and very cold- so it was determined to be a perfect day for going out into the woods with all sorts of rain clothes on and pick mushrooms. ( for the record: it actually didn't suck, ok?) Now see, we were really just supposed to pick yellow chanterelles or the fall brown ones. There are a few other varieties one can pick, but those were not specified in advance, nor what we were after.....problem was, I quickly lost patience as I didn't see any yellow ones, so I picked anything I liked and especially anything that was CUTE- becau se many were absolutely adorable!

We took them home, Ilyssa made delicious OPEN-FACED SANDWICHES( no! I am sorry , but a sandwich has a TOP and a BOTTOM) and they were very YUMMY!

I put all of my 7-8 varieties of mushrooms out and proceeded to look in Alfie's Beginners guide to mushroom picking and discovered that while I had the brown chanterelles and maybe another good shroom or two, most of mine were poisonous. And since even the LEAST little bit of a POISON shroom can put you on kidney dialysis for the rest of your days- or KILL you straight away, we threw ALL of mine out, since the good ones had touched the bad ones. But I took many photographs of all my SUPER CUTE SHROOMS and had a very good if not VERY WET DAY! So there!!!

well , that's kinda what it said- or what I wanted it to kinda say!

Lesson for the soul today: when life gives you POISONOUS 'SHROOMS: You can either cook them really well,because some types are NOT poisonous AFTER they are cooked( right-y-o with THAT little tidbit of information!) OR you can take pictures, enjoy a pouring down rainy wet day in the woods anyway and PITCH your efforts in the trash, because sometimes it's just for the best!

swedish word for the day; Ok- I KNOW it by now- but it's been a bitch to learn through pounding it into my head at SFI and this experiment truly brought it home- JUST GET THIS ONE!

"GIFT" means two VERY DIFFERENT things here-

it either means POISONOUS - as in many of my too cute 'shrooms

or GET THIS: it means to be MARRIED ( to someone)! YEP!

that was , of course, how I first came to know the word- nthat being when I brolloped and got gifted ( mig) !!!,

so when someone told me about it also meaning POISONOUS, it was a bit much to deal with , really!

.....sometimes , with a word that you'd really better USE in the RIGHT context at the right time-it just leaves me to believe that COMPLETE COMPETENCY in the Swedish language is a LONG LONG way off! ( if not exampled very well above! HAHA!)

and once again, we have arrived at a "cultural note" here that just defies description.

or , am I just crazy- ah gain!?

who can resist this?....Oceans Eleven Day in Stockholm last week....

2009-09-26T14:56:00.004+02:00

In a stellar shining example of why Hollywood should not just export it's movies to "everybody"

this is just all kinds of charming.......

Look what happened last Wednesday in Stockholm after Sven Svensson and Lars Larsson (Sven's sidekick) studied Oceans Eleven really well.......

and Swedish Law Enforcement who really excels at setting up surprise roadside checks everywhere and administering alcohol level breath tests,seemingly finds situations more challenging than that to be ,well, just a bit beyond their capabilities......

Here's how it happened, according to a report in the tabloid daily Aftonbladet:

5.15am - A helicopter is witnessed above the roof of the G4S cash depot in Västberga in Stockholm by staff at the National Rail Administration (Banverket) offices directly opposite.

Lars Larsson and Sven Svensson go for it, after studying the film enough times....and stealing a helicopter ( that alone didn't alert anyone----- )It's the Oceans Eleven Show - and they're OFF!!!!!

5.19am - Police receive a call about the robbery. Witnesses watch as the stolen white Bell 206 Jet Ranger helicopter lets out three or four passengers on the roof. Explosions are heard as the robbers enter the building while the helicopter hovers above the building.
Several sacks of what is presumed to be money are then seen raised into the helicopter on a rope.

Bleary eyed Swedish residents train hastily grabbed binoculars onto the roof of the buidling trying desperately to spot George Clooney and Matt Damon. They're hoping for an autograph and a few pictures.

5.25am - The first police patrol arrives at the scene in Västberga but are ordered not to act as the robbers continue to load sacks of money into the helicopter. They have been ordered to await the arrival of the National Task Force.

The policemen that arrived on the scene were basically stopping by to study the moves of the robbers hoping to become Big Movie Stars themselves one day. Meanwhile , the National Task Force had been "gently notified" via Facebook , a few text messages and an e-mail or two.....They'll be there ,after they shower and have had breakfast.......

5.35am - With the police looking on the helicopter lifts off from the roof of the building and heads north. The robbers had lain caltrops on the road routes out away from the building in order to hinder the police.

but, as they continued to stand there watching with their jaws wide open, it's not like it really even occurred to them to even try to get in their cars to chase them anyway.....unneccessary cover-up on the Criminals' part,really....

5.35am - The National Task Force enters the building.

my guess is that the NTF that arrived,were the "off-duty" bunch that were found still out at the bars from the night before.....

5.49am - The police helicopter station at Myttingen on Värmdö is notified but pilots can not lift off as a suspected bomb is found in front of the helicopter hanger.

Well that got at least a few people upset inciting this comment in the OpEd section of the Dagens Nyheter the next day:

Swedish police must "be able to use the equipment that has been acquired for large amounts," the Dagens Nyheter daily wrote in an opinion piece. "Helicopters, cars, boats and other equipment must be kept in a way so that criminals cannot sabotage them."

duh.......ya think!??!

7am - The police confirm that none of the 21 G4S staff were hurt in the attack.

after conducting a breathalyzer check of all the buildings staff, it was determined that none of them had been "driven to drink" over the whole situation.......and therefore no one was hurt..... no thanks to the Police now mind you....

7.37am - Explosives are found in the building and police extend the cordon around the depot.

Oops! Now,this was a shocking turn of events indeed. The cordon selected was a bright Swedish Blue shade and was arranged so that it looked nice for the TV crews later that day.......

8.15am - The helicopter is found in woodland near Skavlöten in Arninge north of Stockholm.

Initially they weren't sure for a while whether it was a helicoptoer or just a large dead moose, but blood tests did reveal it to be ....indeed.........a HELICOPTER......

8.42am - The police escort the G4S staff out from the cash depot.

Now being as "explosives were reported to be found in the building" at kl.7:37....... it is logical that 1 hour and 5 minutes later they decide to THEN get the staff out of the building.....right?!

1pm - police dispose of the suspected bomb at the helicopter station on Värmdö with the help of a water cannon.

Like I've stated before in previous blogs. The swedes like things to be clean. Floors and all,especially bombs that could actually be "dirtied up" by criminal evidence. Water cannons aid enormously in cleaning up suspected bombs of any DNA, or "filth" ( aka:EVIDENCE) that might have been accidentally left by the Perps.....let's hear it for CLEAN evidence.....

3pm - Police hold a press conference where they classify the crime as an "extraordinary event" and are thus able to call on the resources of police forces from across the country.

It was obvious that short of Princess Victoria's wedding next year, that this was as close as Stockholm was going to see of Hollywood and "Extraordinary Events" for quite some time. Only natural to want to call your buddies about it.....

By 6pm in the evening the police had arrested two men in connection with the robbery as they combed the Stockholm underworld for clues to what is described as a well-organised professional heist.

And it turns out that their names were as reported above: Lars Larsson and Sven Svensson......

Criminology professor Leif G W Persson said on Wednesday that the cash depot could have housed up to a billion kronor ($146 million) in cash.

Nothing like checking the Depot 's ACTUAL records ,huh? When in doubt, best to call up a college prof to make a decent guess to report in the papers right?

Media reports on Thursday indicate that a mafia boss from the Balkans could be the brains behind the robbery.

You thought that Lars and Sven could have thought on this all on their own?! Come on!!!!!!! But to their credit, Lars and Sven had been the ones to actually send the DVD of Oceans Eleven to the Dude in the Balkans......AHHH!!!!! -the advantages of GLOBALIZATION!

It is also reported that Stockholm police had previously received information that a helicopter heist was being planned in the area but that the National Task Force had been conducting surveillance at the wrong depot, in Bromma in the north-west of the city.

Well,now you see, this is just the saddest bit of information of all. Now see if the Perps had ONLY tried to rob the Cash Depot that they were SUPPOSED to rob-this might have actually turned out differently.....

LESSON FOR THE SOUL: I have to say, it's a nice thing to live in a country where this kind of stuff happens so seldom, that policemen are at a loss as to how to deal with it. I can see it happening also quite easily in the UK, where the Cops would be busy waving their billy clubs in the air at the helicopter......

and at least it gives me a jolly good laugh for the day......

Swedish word for the day: överraskning- (Roy thought this one up for me)- that's: SURPRISE!!!!!!!

Time to quit trying to monitor the society by roadside checkpoints, sometimes it could all be flying right over your head!......

All I have to say- I find myself actually rooting for the robbers on this one! They deserve to keep their heist,I'm sorry!

TV for the Nordic( Armchair ) FIsherman

2009-09-22T06:58:00.003+02:00

now mind you , I don't watch tv very often.
at all.

especially here.

-there are a multitude of problems connected with me and the TV.

and, no, it's not because most of it is in Swedish, because it isn't even. There's a lot of it in english with swedish sub-titles

i know, i know, which would be good for me to watch. if i cared to.

i don't.

see- first problem is- I can't turn it on.

that's real simple.

I could barely turn on a TV in the US and now that all I get out is a bunch of mumbo-jumbo swedish menu pages everytime I punch a button - that also says something I can't read....

all to watch what- a show in swedish or a horribel American import?( one of SIxten's favourite shows: Jerry Springer.....uhhh.I'll skip that,thanks.....)
So ,you see, I find it very easy to justify the fact that I think excessive TV watching is meant for people that can't figure out what to do meaningful with their lives -("real meaning" like I have indeed, such as these here endless hours on FaceBook and blogging!)

Finally, I firmly believe that TV is not worth much of a crap beyond re-runs of Seinfeld or Sex and the City- ( despite the fact that I have been told there are things that came AFTER those series ended .....)

Not to say that the men in this house never watch it. becuase they do, while both vehemnetly denying that they watch "alot of it"- ( i know my hubbie is downstairs at this moment watching America's Got Talent- a show this American wouldn't be caught dead watching) but he'd deny it, I'm sure....

However, it is when total and utter silence descends on the TV ranks( dudes) in this house -

you can bet that winner of all shows -

"Deadliest Catch" is on.

......and like the Two Great Nordic (Armchair) Fisherman that they are, Hubbie and Sixten are glued to the set with every single crab cage that is pulled out of the icy Alaskan depths, as if they're out there themselves.

If you've missed this stellar example of reality series TV( legitimazed somewhat only by the fact that the "educational" Discovery Channel puts it on)- it is a show that week in, week out -

is exactly the same as.....

the week before that...

and the week to come after....

...there are a bunch of king crab macho dude fishermen that head out onto the rough seas( for the proper effect -they ONLY go out when the seas are ReAlly RoUgH-) of the Alaskan archipaelago and haul in Alaskan King Crab to sell to hungry gourmands all over.

It's COLD as HELL.

It's ICY WET EVERYWHERE.

and that is .....apprently both appealing and fun.....

the fishermen and thier grizzled half crazed captain are all men that look like they'd eat the arm off of a ( live)Grizzly Bear for a snack.

this is TESTOSTERONE ON CRACK.

And my "TOUGH GUYS " here are 1,000% mesmerized by this.

They hang on the word of every captain....... they listen excitedly to the yells and cursing from the guys on the wind-swept deck of the boat- as they pull up yet another huge crab cage. Seriously, I've tried to sit down and watch what this is that keeps them so raptly excited every single time it is on-

and I truly just don't get it.

I swear everytime one of these cages is pulled up, it's just replaying the exact same haul that they played 5 minutes earlier. Yet, these guys remain hooked, as if there are IV tubes shooting Magical Armchair Testosterone to them straight from the TV set. They are in a NORDIC SEA DUDE TRANCE.

Now you can ask them both, isn't this just what happened last week- didn't they go out into the eye of a storm nearly,wasn't the Boat's Captain yelling "take Cover! Big Wave a-comin'!!! ,"

...a-swearing to the cameraman that he really didn't think any of them would survive it- THIS TIME,really........

Wasn't the head Deck Captain sayin',' hell yeah, we got it tough this haul!!

We haven't found the crabs,

we gotta find the crabs!!

and if we don't, man, there's gonna be hell to pay!

Some of these guys just won't have jobs anymore."

Then there's always Rookie Guy ( aka- the pathetic comic relief sucker) , that goes out and makes some major screw -ups and nearly costs the whole damn haul for everyone-

he's usually seen out on deck all by himself, with a wave crashing over his head as he holds on for dear life to some pole, trying to figure out that everyone else went under for cover).

Now both my guys agree- yeah,yeah,....the story is the same every week.

Right. No, nothing ever really happens.....

but.....

and they trail off.... not able to spit out any further comments than this....

while the same cage I swear is pulled out of the icy depths AH-Gain and AH-GAIn and AH GAIN.....

THIS time - THIS CATCH- WOAH!- is SOOOO exciting -how could they possibly miss it?!

after it's over life returns to normal-right, until it's time for a Sports Event( track and field seems to suffice for rapt attention that department here.shot putt anyone? WOAH!)

Lesson for the Soul for the day- Thank God for the invention of INANE television and the MEN that can fall comatose in front of it. It's perfect combination- and frees me up to do all sorts of things.Women who had to keep their men amused before the advent of TV, must have had it really tough indeed.

swedish word for the day: this is how they teach it to you at school- and just because I think it's funny.....

let's just play with the word for "TV" in swedish -

this gets funny I promise you.....

here ya go:

en teve- that is "a tv." ....pronounced pretty much the same but more EH to it.... like EN TEH-VEH ( still I can work with it....)

now this is the funnier part:

teven is THE TV,- huh??

tever- is TV's- .....plural, yep....... as when your go to Circuit City and ask "Where are the TEVER?"

teverna -( not to be confused with a TAVERNA- but damn close,no ,no) that's THOSE TV's"-

as in:

"Well, ma' am, yes TEVERNA HAR are really nice, but, unfortunately ma'am, it's TEVERNA DAR that are the ones that you saw the special ad on in the paper."

"gee, thanks,Mister,I think I'll pass....."

winterizing.... preparing for darkness and my Mr. Fix It hero!!!

2009-09-13T15:10:00.003+02:00

i cannot even begin to tell you how utterly delighted, thrilled and ecstatic I am that I have a fully functional husband- and by that -you can cut off the free shots at that right now- (you people who never get your minds out of the gutter....)

but my Darling Swede is fully functional, in the fact that he can actually DO HOUSE THINGS! From my past marriage to a way-too-affected City Guy( which begs to be asked why...) who's idea of home repair was to call the super, to this.

Now all of a sudden, it's:

"gee ,honey, I think I'd like this chandelier here, that one there...... well,no , maybe this one here and that one there......could we try that again?....."- all delivered with all that Swedish patience and tolerance that I got when I met the dude at the bar in India. Now I gotta tell ya this is a source of delight for me ,the depths of which I cannot even describe!

ah,at last!!!! I found it!

-a fully functional HUSBAND!

for a girl like me , there is NO end to the delights of having a husband like that. I mean , i might modestly boast, that back home in New York City, NONE of us had one, though many of us wanted one, and NOW! yaha! I HAVE one!.....

The very first weekend of my "new life" here on the Polar Ice Cap, we had gone off to get the Darling Husband's Mothers' apartment ready for sale in LISLIK. I watched in utter amazement and delight when I discovered that my fiance knew how to wall-paper and called home to brag to all my City friends- who i think were likewise as shocked and amazed as I was. I had myself a totally functional hubbie!

(as an aside, I will say that the rest of the family seemed to know how to wallpaper , to different degrees,too. And apparently most everyone in Sweden is abundantly aware of wallpapering,etc- that most antiquated of wall preparations in the US....)This is because in Sweden, the perception is is that wall-papering is actually easier than painting and thus a close inspection of most any wall here- one will note that they're all wall-papered even if it is with just "texture wallpaper"- that which like other things makes me slightly nuts , but I digress. This is a "non-bitch' post today, at least....

So today -as one must on this part of the world, prepare for the long hard DARK winter that we know is to come,( even though the gorgeous sun outside today, seemed to attempt to deny this inevitability) we decided it was electricity day in the home. As the sun is now setting around 8 or a bit after in the evening,we know those days of infinite darkness are not too far off at all...

We needed LJUS!

There's a lot of LAMPOR around this place I detest ( typical rental place stuff) and I brought a lot of lampor over here from the States just in case.

So-up went the big old Third Reich chandelier that had been sitting on the floor in the living room for HALF a YEAR now,actually cajoling us into the false belief that we had just "moved in". Never you mind that it had American wiring in it and it never will be functional ( hurray! je deteste over head lighting!) Sixten looked on in horror- he seems to have no problems with over head lighting at all- nor does the hubbie-but I chalk it up to a non-observant-guy thang. ( i'll show 'em! ^_-!) .

Up went the adorable library lamps from IKEA purchased back in April. And down went all these ultra-nasty cheapie-creepie hyra lägenhet lighting fixtures that had been making me crazy for months! I have a whole bag of crappy lighting to stick back up someday when we move out.

Up went the adorable white modern overhead light rescued from dear friend recently departed back to the States.....it looks perfect where I put it- correction: where Mr. Fix It put it.

All because my perfectly pleasant Mr. Fix-It man patiently removed and replaced and removed and replaced lighting fixtures all over the house- much to my great delight and satisfaction! THE THRILL of it all!!!

I could watch with rapt attention for hours on end as he uses all kinds of knives and screwdrivers and ladders to achieve better lighting fixtures for our home!

What a guy! What a talent! What thrills!

Lesson for the SOUL today; I know it existed within the realm of possibiility that I could have found an American Fix-It guy-there are plenty of shows that testify to that on TV-but- , I sure do put it happily in the "Sweden plus" column that my adorable Swedish guy can do this! Be thankful for what wonderful "gifts' you give ,even if you do have to go to the Polar Ice Cap to find them!

two swedish words for the day:

VARDE LJUS! that is " Let there be light!"

(-or none in the case of nasty over-head lighting at least.) I like how that sounds in Swedish at least-)

VARDE LJUS! ( oh, those of you that have had no swedish at all- have no idea that LJUS - is pronounced YOOUS! - as in "You's guys!" - that favourite Jersey phrase....but a bit gentler....at least.....)

okay- and how CUTE is this!-

your Swedish Mr. Fix-It Man is known as a "ALLT-I-ALLO MAN!" - kinda means an all-in-everything kinda guy..I think that is WAY cute...sounds a bit "gay" as in you can see a Monty Python kinda Allt-i-Allo man tripping gaily up your front steps.... but,still, way cute.....

And as I sit cozily under (my thrillingly non-functional) third reich chandelier, I am busily trying to concott the next ask for my perfectly wonderful ALLT-I-ALLO MAN.

hey, there, Mr. ALLT-I-ALLOOOOOOO, I NEEEEEEED YOOOOOUUUU!!

at long last, WHY I think Joe Cocker is really a SWEDE

2009-09-12T10:12:00.011+02:00

and this is finally( a day late and a lot of laborious reading about me, sweden and shoes)-

I'm finally ready to convice you as to WHY I believe that Joe Cocker is .....

really.....

a swede......

cue:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tunvwCvu2NY

( cut and paste,if you have to, but go to You Tube and

hit it!!!!!

NOW!...)

OKAY!?!?

here we go!!!!!

Baby, take off your coat...(real slow)

Baby, take off your shoes...here, I'll take your shoes.....

(now,it's obvious to me that good Swede that Joe is , is that he WANTS the SHOES

off first, but it just doesn't work lyrically in the song.....)

Go on over there and turn on the light...no, all the lights

Now come back here and stand on this chair...thats right

Raise your arms up in to the air...shake em

You give me a reason to live

( now, in this fine scadinavian party ,till example....the hostess gift just happened to be apparently a can of whipped cream.....how polite and handy, indeed!....

and if you believe everything else about Swedes and their reputation for wild crazy abandoned sex lives full of fun,insanity and frivolity,

well, you are SOOOO right.....

Joe has gone and gotten your coat off and your shoes off,

to have some fun,becuase really now he's getting to what every Swede really wants anyway when he asks you to leave your coat at the door:

and we CUE:

the REMAINDER of the TUNE)

hit it!!!!!

Baby, take off your dress
Yes,

yes,

yes......

You can leave your hat on
You can leave your hat on
You can leave your hat on

You give me a reason to live
You give me a reason to live
You give me a reason to live!!!!!

and with THAT-

I rest my case!

JOE COCKER IS A SWEDE!

(.......btw, the too-cute and fun photos of this adorable scandinavian darling that proves thus beyond the shadow of a doubt that Joe sang that song because he really is a Swede comes from an just-as-adorable little blog I found on the internet at spongeshoe.blogspot.com in a section called: Scrape.Feel.Dig.Believe.ask.

you can find such witicisms as this on her blog:

....(it's just) so much better to post sexy pictures of my sexy hello kitty socks...

and

No more trips to Burger King, no more hanging around at Oslo S to get some free wireless internet and make new friends with the homeless... no more sneaking into toilets at McDonalds... Good bye all of that, hello freedom!

She's a doll and she proves my case! god Bless You sexy little scandinavian chick-

(i think she's norwegian, but that's as close as I could get,ok?)

now for my job:

Lesson for the "SOLE":

this has been a week of exploration into why I have such issues with the Swedes that have issues about shoes- which is basically the whole lot of 'em-

and I can't say that I've accomplished much for my "sole" this week-but that at least I feel I have a better understanding of why I still have issues, and why - so far- I still want to wear shoes in my own home- at least-and I'll go THIS far is all- I will at least try harder to remmber to take my shoes off in other peoples' homes!

-okay!?

swedish words for the day:

lets' do some apparel items-okay?

en kappa, ett par skor, en klänning, och ... en hatt .....

that's a coat,a pair of shoes, a dress, and ...a hat.....

in that order.....

it's been a fun week.....

it's always good to examine ones'.....

SOLE!......

on Shoes, Fear and the Very Bad Man

2009-09-10T07:44:00.003+02:00

let's get to the crux of the matter.

i think i know,why, perhaps it is that i have issues about.....

shoes and ......

swedes.

and it may really have to do with the story of the Very Bad Man-with braces on his teeth......

you see, a mere half a year ago-we were -evicted-in the dead of winter-here in Sweden-over -shoes-( and a few other things).

It began ,when Darling Hubbie and I moved to Goteborg only in December to begin or life of Wedded Bliss together. We came upon a lovely little pad,located in a "lovely" little section of town on the top floor of the home of a man -with apparently very deep shoe-(and other assorted)-..... issues.

This man was,at best, an odd one. Excessively tall( why "excessively"? because vengeance runs deep and I still intend to take his sorry ass down to just "Tall" -someday),

very typically Swedish looking - the blond hair , the blue eyes crap-

middle aged - and, not surprisingly- we came to learn-DIVORCED (not that that is a major strike against you at this age- especially in this country)- but we came to know WHY-

and-

with a SOLID ROW of the biggest ugliest BRACES across his teeth- the kinds we wore in the US in the 70's before "modern braces" were invented. I bet he wore a headgear at night ,too.

To try to describe the type of Swedish Man that in his 40's is going to be wearing BRACES on his teeth-in the hopes of becoming the Swedish likes of George Clooney -in his head- is to describe a very bizarre, twisted and affected individual of gynormous proportions...

this was our first landlord here -and on every level, he was-indeed-a Very Bad Man( hereinafter referred to as the VBM exclusively).

....and the VBM did- as you might suspect- very EVIL things.

....sending Passive Agressive e-mails at bizarre hours of the night, was one of the things that he not only excelled at but obviously -(because even Wacko's deseve a bit of fun in life)-relished in the most. Direct Confrontation and False Accusation were other activites that VBM enjoyed-(but hey- everyone has to have a life ,right)?

VBM was unscrupulous. VBM complained about-everythiing.

During our very short 4 month time there the VBM tortured,haunted and harrassed us , made us hate our own home and did everything he could to derail an otherwise blissful first year of Wedded Life for hubbie and I-as he sat downstairs alone -waiting ( as we all were) -for his "girlfriend" to decide to come visit him, so he could get laid and improve his garrolous, conniving, vindictive, evil, Silas Marner existence in his very big very Most Horribly Decorated House.)

He complained that I was not quiet enough at 10:20 on a Friday evening lugging a 25 kg bag of samples up a steep stairwell. He complained about mysterious tobacco products thrown evily and purposefully onto his balcony. He complained of odd noises at odd times. And VBM requested you shower only after 8 and before 10 in the evening ( not to us, but to the prior tennats that went running from him-leaving us to deal with him.)

Now to see the Hubbie and I is to easily assume at least a few things - we are not the types to be Very Bad Tenants- or even the types to be doing what we know we were doing between the hours of 7:05 and 7:25 on the night of December 23rd,2008 at Ja#*gatan 3 in Goteborg, Sweden,very often....

this all goes as background info for a very Sad Christmas Tale that has manifested itself into a bizarre combination of Fear, Loathing and Shoes in my brain.

Now see upon arrival to our first Luv Lagenheter together- we had to sign with this VBM , a Behavior Contract .

The day of the signing, music levels were discussed along with the usual things-"behaving as if we were mice " in the stairwell after 10 p.m. and before 8 a.m.- was the terminology ascribed to the method of traversing in the common stairwell in this house during "quiet time."

During the signing,tests on music levels were run.Music was played at different volumes so that we could "come to understand" acceptable levels in the house.

I eagerly promised him that I would try to restrict the times that I rocked my happy ass off to "Back in Black" at Incredibly High Volumes would be done only when we could clearly see he was not at home.

(but, I 'm thinkin' that that didi not get me any "brownie points"....)

then there came the subject of ....the shoes.....

"NO shoes".

"What?"

"No shoes."

" No shoes?!"

"No shoes. NOT at all."

I reminded him that he wasn't just dealing with anyone here- that he was dealing with a ( big fancy) fashion designer from New York City, nonetheless,-(okay so you need to dramatize things a bit from time to time for effect in this life).....and I told him how it would RUN my outfits.

- this apparently did little to shake VBM 's resolve.

"No shoes."

hmmmm...( with sense of desparation ...)-I tried another tactic.

"Mister,it's the Dead of Winter- (which it was)-- and I have clinically documented circulation problems and my feet will freeze." ( I envisioned toe amputation by febraury, and inflected some of that into my voice.)

This surprisingly provoked at least some thought- and he produced after a fairly long hunt - a pair of felted wool slippers of his - the kinds with the rubber-y black soles- that WOULD be ACCEPTABLE -if, and mind you IF necessary.....

My nude color suede bottomed ballet exercise slippers were retrieved and countered with.

(deseprately thinking that somehow I could make these work with my outfits....)

They failed.

It was the rubber soled felted woolies -or nothing.

We demured to His Rules of Conduct Contract-having lost the War -but won a small battle.and at great expense -which I would have glady spent on something meaningful-we purchased me some rightfully cute-ly ,hidious numbers for the soles of my circulation challenged feet-

-a pair of GREEN, LEAF DECORATED, FELTED WOOL SLIPPERS with the required RUBBER BOTTOMS on them.

I labeled them my "Fucking Fairy Faggot Slippers".( hereinafter termed the FFFS)

On the night before Xmas - (that's the 23rd around here and not the 24th- which is actually da Big Day Christmas in this country) - the VBM gave us his version of a Christmas Cozy Welcoming Gift to our home.

We had been out shopping all day- to get gifts for the loved ones in our family and I was gaily-in all good Christmas Jovialty and Seasonal Merriment - sitting there in my FFFS -having managed to coordinate them with some semi-seasonal outfit for the evening-gaily wrapping away under the tree.....

.....when low and behold, Roy, glancing through his e-mails, espied a message that had just been sent to him from the VBM -written- natch!-in Swedish.( VBM despised speaking in Engelska- if only to piss me off and cut me out as we had already discovered- a few "altercations" into our 3 weeks with him at the time.)

Roughly translated it went like this:

"I would ask politely that you tell your wife to quit wearing shoes in the house . I have detected her wearing shoes in the house this evening between klockan 19:05-19:25 ( that's 7:05 and 7:25 in the evening to the rest of us),-This has happened before ,need I remind you ( wha da f@(*#!?!?! ) -and if I have to ask you again to tell your wife to quit wearing shoes in the house , I will have to consider - eviction.Mvh- the VBM"

Now, I need not explain this very far. But my Holiday Mood certainly plummeted - immediately-straight to the depths of hell.

after several other bizarre confrontations - oh about 1 a week on average ,about this, that and the other-

THIS was TOO much- basically right there smack dab on the (swedish) Christmas Eve.

We realized then we were living on top of a Psycho and a- Very Bad Man.

You see, we knew very well what we had been doing between 7:05 and 7:25 that evening. I can assure you that it was not an activity that required any walking- at all. Remember - this was our LUV Lagenheter - and we were newlyweds....filled with Christmas spirit..... Never you mind. You figure it out.

Screeching of the likes of a Banshee Raised Around Quite a Number of Loud Mexicans and Texans-( which was indeed the case)-commenced. Swearing of which I have always had quite the flair for, if I do say so myself, reached Epic Proportions and volumes that I made quite sure that VBM heard in the depths of his SOLES in his Very Quiet Lonely Pathetically Grotesquely Decorated Pad down below.

(we checked. No, Girlfriends' Car was not out front and it was obvious that this contrived e-mail was the only HOHOHO he was getting that night.)

Depression descended on the little happy newleywed couple and I put my Screaming and Yelling and General Piss-off-idness in my merry little Christmas Bag along with the Christmas presents the next morning and schlepped it all the way to the "Family Compound" in "Lislik" ( to disguise the name of the actual location of my "swedish family" to protect them.....)

And I pulled these New Toys out a plenty- like shiny happy Xmas presents for each single member of the family -one by one- and in group, to also revel in.

My Holiday was ruined...... and the only thing that shook me from the Gloom of the VBM, was the rousing conversation about how long the family was going to pay for the upkeep on my dear Mother-in-Law's grave when she passed to the great Northern Lights in the Sky ( but MAN is that!- a whole other post.)

We returned back after the Holiday to the house of the VBM, and I proceeded to stomp around in my FFFS non-stop - as loudly as I could for several more months-( there was no rule about heaviness of step-you see) and had the joy of many more altercations with the VB,Very Evil Man - until -thankfully-

we received the Blessed Eviction from the VBM- in duplicate-one for each of us- ( even a VBM can be generous at times) registered mail- to be retrieved in the Dark Dead of Winter via a 15 minute walk to the store by the Husband of the Very Bad Hip.

It damaged me-and my attitude about shoes- I quite fear- for life.

BUT- it got us to here- where -believe it or not-I am quite happy. At our new Lagenheter -we have a blissfully normal landlord. He and his lovely wife have as of right now 2 and 3/4 children. One of them wakes up with a screech that shakes the house promptly at 8:15 every morning and then runs and stomps happily all over the place. I smile at the kid every time I see him, because if for no other reason-He's the one that lets me wear my shoes here without guilt.

Still there are days and times that my husband -(he too,recall, being a swede- is a lover of the peaceful happy quiet HEMLIV that only barefeet can produce)- still comes running to me with this wide eyed exppression and horror and chastises me for being too loud in the stairwell with my shoes on.....I know he fears we'll get evicted from here,too......

And our new Awfully Nice Guy landlord comes to us and apologizes to us incase they are too loud.

Of course, I reply," Not at all!( "Scream away, Little Man, scream away!)"

but now you see- that this shoe thing runs deep- and because of a Very Bad, Very Swedish, Very Evil Man with Ugly Braces on an even Uglier Mug, I am damaged-for life.

I suppose I should see a shrink- but- THAT's a WHOLE other posting, too.....

Lesson for the SOLE: Vengeance is Deep, sayeth the Lord. And someday,on some level- i'm -still-going to get mine in nice passive-aggressive way that only the VBM can appreciate.

Swedish Words for the Day:

mycket dålig hemskt ful man med tandställning- that's: the VERY BAD UGLY HORRIBLE MAN WITH BRACES-

mig och min sårade anda för skor- that's-ME and MY WOUNDED SPIRIT FOR SHOES- .

and , to the vengeance that i spoke of earlier-

someday, at the very least,in the dead of depest darkest snow-y winter, ( maybe for Xmas?)- I'm sending the Fucking Fairy Faggot Slippers back to VBM- registered mail- so he has to go down to the store to get them- and ponder indeed on his Very Bad, Very Evil ways.....

- and that's the least of what i want to do. and I think with a bit of therapy- i might just get there-someday.....

VACUUMING and the SWEDISH FOOT

2009-09-09T15:43:00.003+02:00

disclaimer- this is most definitely not me in the photo.

now one must understand this:

A Swedish floor -is

a CLEAN -floor.

Mighty clean.

now, this was not something that I necessarily knew before I arrived here. In my carefully arranged "Personal Beliefs on Cultural Behaviors Section of My Brain", I had always thought that it was the GERMANS that had the clean floors- not necessarily the Swedes.( forgive me , frankly, if I actually even thought much ABOUT Swedes at all- their floors -or anything beyond Ingmar Bergman - prior to marrying one...)

but, no, I can tell you: the Swedes have CLEAN FLOORS.

I've told you of my husband's genetically predisposed habit" of vacuuming on the weekends ,right? ( please recall- I do not vacuum. I SWEEP but I do not vacuum- at least not hardwood floors-makes no sense to me.) He vacuums hard wood floors even and ,as best I can tell, he does NOT have that kind of attachment on that vacuum cleaner- of his.

Now, vacuuming on the weekend reminds me of all kinds of things-

and that's mostly the desire to -get out.

You see back in Mitt Hemland, my cleaning lady came on Saturday morning- and vacuumed- (not well, God knows - as Olivia who uses that same "cleaning" - and I use that term loosely-lady can attest to)-

but I heard the vacuum cleaner on Saturday morning- and it was time -to get out. Off to brunching,marketing, shopping, etc.... It was a bell I responded well to.

It hasn't changed. I still want to run the other direction when I hear it. ( Did I tell you my old Yorkie was DEATHLY AFRIAD of the VACUUM CLEANER - and ironing boards ,too,come to think of it, but as always- I digress...)

And when My Darling Swede vacuums there are also the requisite nasty Spousal Allegations that fly in the air-"Well, if you did it, during the week,then I wouldn't have to on the weekend." " IT HAS to be done. SOMEONE HAS to do IT." -that kind of thing. He vacuums. I sulk and think of long-ago weekends upstairs ( hiding ) ......

soooooo.....whatever-

the whole point to me -is on some level at least- why do it at all? We have WOOD FLOORS everywhere- with rugs- which I could consider vacuuming from time to time- but really, I sweep fairly regularly- To me sweeping hardwood floors -with the occassional wash-down - is enough- or am I way off base here!?

and lest my Darling Husband think not- I definitely SWEEP when I see a Dust Bunny -okay!?

Point is I don't see them apparently often enough. Don't get me wrong-i'm not a slob. I like a neat home- inclusive of those nasty shoes PUT UP UNDER the bench. Last nights coffee mugs removed. The remains of LUNCH put away and cleaned up. I'm not neurotic- but I'm not a real slob at all. And I don't like Dust Bunnies more than anyone else- unless, by some miracle they've gotten large enough that they actually aquire names- THEN , they're really FUN!

But this remains a - burning- issue- straight to the SOLES of MY- INDOOR SHOES.

BUt- ahah- as sometimes can happen in 47 year old brains- last week, I had a revelation.

REALLY-

( sometimes I scare myself)

The whole thing started to make sense to me when I had some friends over for dinner. I started to realize that there was- perhaps- a connections between VACUUMING and the SHOES OFF thing.

I had had some lovely American friends over last week - who kindly- God Bless You Wonderful American Women left thier shoes on in my home. ( I felt vindicated, normal, happy and loved. ahhh!!) I had assured their Good Ex-Pat Selves that the husband ws away and they were more than free to do so. Well, while they were here, bread was cut, pastry was eaten, and apparently crumbs accumulated on the floor of the kitchen. Normal enough.

Then, the next morning, I did something that I rarely do and went downstaris to make coffee- BAREFOOT.

Yeech! Crumbs all over my feet. I had forgotten to SWEEP-which I normally do- really! Memories of my youth on the Texas Gulf Coast returned - a land where everyone went barefoot, year 'round- because we COULD- everyone barefoot- but me. I always hated sand grit on my toes.

And I hated this,too. I swept up the groid immediately and carried on. But then, I'd say "somewhere after the second cup", it dawned on me, WHY perhaps these guys are always vacuuming-

These people are barefoot. Thus-to avoid crud on their feet- they want a CLEAN FLOOR.

okAY!!..........( cue: 100 watt light bulbs going off in brain....)

i thought on it for a while.

and I thought some more...

this was a major Cultural Riff that I figured deserved my best considerations.

And you know ( i bet you do) KNOW the answer I came up with ,RIGHT!?

WEAR SHOES IN YOUR HOUSE! DAMN IT!!!

and thus AVOID THE "NATURAL" accumulation of FLOOR GROID, which I promise to clean- when it becomes a -Visual Issue to - ME.

- it's real simple... the whole thing made sense.

You know how before someone comes over- you make a general attempt to "clean"- tidy up a bit? Same story over here. I bustle about a bit, putting up the stack of folded underwear in the drawer that I'd been meaning to do all week. Giving the coffee table a dusting ,perhaps.....the usual.

And the hubbie helps ,too.( the joys of an egalitarian swedish man- I was told -and they're right- they DO housework!!!)

So when that time comes around here - and the guests are literally on the horizon- remember this is a country where nothing is really too much of a rush.....The hubbie hurriedly begins to pitch in and -goes straight for - YOU GUESSED it- the VACUUM CLEANER. He then proceeds to give EVERY SINGLE FLOOR the colonoscopy of its life, and vacuums and vacuums and vacuums and bitches and vacuums some more. Usually a MOST pleasant afternoon....

If it were up to him- the floors would be SPARKLING CLEAN- and the stack of underwear could still be out. I swear. I've seen him "clean" the entire bottom floor in this house and still leave coffee cups and old napkins - (from SOMEONE's grrrr...late night BLECH! coffee) -sitting on the coffee table when guests come walking in.

To him- it's real simple- a CLEAN FLOOR is a CLEAN HOUSE.

And -of course- he is fully aware that his guests have come over -so I believe- just to- take their shoes off - (and maybe have a coffee and a chat....)- that's the part I just don't get......

Someday- no joke- (and I do have a great VISUAL dream of this)- I AM serving DINNER on the FLOOR- to guests and all. Probably after a Great Future Battle - that I am sure is still down the pike for us. ......complete with candelabra and drippy candles....I can see it now....It makes me feel good just to plan it for someday.....

sooo....Lesson for the SOLE today:-Boy! there aren't a whole lot of easy lessons this week, really. this is a NUT I can't seem to crack.Is it to continue wearing shoes- at least - in your own home?and encourage others futiley to do the same? Is that a lesson - does that really count!?

Swedish Word for the Day- a very famous swedish word indeed- and one to which all my fellow swedish classmates get the biggest kick out of- DAMMSUGARE- VACUUM CLEANER- in swedish-yeech!

a quick note as to why this is so "DAMM" amusing, is the fact that the Swedes have a favourite pastry called the DAMMSUGARE- reason being is because it is a brown and green marzipan horror ( IMHO!) in the shape of a tube that apparently looks just like the vacuum cleaners that were in every swedish home back in the 1950's.

Now i'm all for "vintage inspiration"-especially in pastry-

but.....forgive me if I'm wrong, ....

isn't the scary thing that they even have these pastries named "VACUUM CLEANERS" at all?

on the perceivable differences between an American and Swedish Foyer-FOAJE

2009-09-08T06:39:00.009+02:00

.....there is no self- respecting blog by an American ex-pat living in Sweden that doesn't involve at least a comment about Swedes and shoes.....

and how they really feel about this ancient contraption that they have to place on their feet from time to time to protect them from the vagaries of the world beneath them....

and let's get this straight right now- no matter what else is said here- I WEAR shoes in my own HOME -from getting out of the bed til I go to sleep at night. Period. I cannot now or ever- see this changing.

That being said for the record- I shall commence with this-

the Entry Way dissertation.....

....now,if you've never been to Sweden before- the first time you enter a swedish home you are hit with it-

the Shoe ( and coats and scarves and gloves and hats) Ditchin' Area. This is a Major Component of Swedish Living.No home is without it. Period.

and this area is RIGHT INSIDE- the FRONT DOOR. Often ( especially in a lägenheter-rental)- it is a less-than -attractive( oops! did I accidentally say IKEA there?- SEE ABOVE ) METAL contraption ( frequently bolted to the wall!) that is intent on housing these items- being top part A for Coats and bottom part B - for shoes. This is usually carelessly overloaded, ( and unless company is coming over strewn in about a meter and half wide swath of Shoedom and Scarfdom all over ) - often times looking more like a Salvation Army Winter Items Sale than an Attractive Welcoming Area for a guest to arrive in charm and comfort into ones' home- ( a.k.a. back in MITT HEMLAND- that would be often the demi-lune/entry way table with the charming chackas on it set out to entertain ,delight and gently amuse your guest).

Now-often here, it can be that a more attractive attempt has been made form the metal rod IKEA contraption, granted: There's the wood cute heart cut-out versions, the wicker basket versions, the hand-painted versions,and better,etc..... I'm happy to say-most of my friends have the slightly better versions...

but this area is something that is specially and uniquely "swedish".

You see, a guest to your home has arrived desirous of 2 things above all else -

#1-the desire to DITCH their shoes off thier feet as fast as they can( sometimes with vengeance, I do believe) and

#2- then to as quickly there-after give you a charming Hostess gift- for even the smallest of Occassions. (now THAT PART is indeed very charming - and not the part of this whole Arrival Event of which I complain- least I never receive another bottle of wine ! ^_- ! )

Often off, half-way inside the door, they want to hurl these Vile Shoe Things off ASAP! -really, in a term of immediate respect- to you and the floors that you keep in your home that you could eat your dinner off of, if you wanted.

When a foreigner, observing this behavior for the first time, one might perhaps assume they are in Japan- they being well -known "Shoes Off" people.

A quick look around at the blond hair and blue-eyed crowd will quickly reinforce however that- no,Dorothy-

you are-

not -

in Kyoto.

When I first moved over here- I had to have this explained to me - ( assumedly I walked right into someone's home with my shoes on and my husband had to politely grab me and whisper in my ear to ditch my shoes- )

Frankly, I recall I panicked a bit.

Gee! what if I had socks with holes?!

What-KRICKY!- if I had worn socks that didn't match my outfit because I ( apparently incorrectly) assumed that my boots would be covering them the whole night?

Agh! my pants, that I have hemmed to just the right length for the shoes-that-I-usually-wear-with-these-pants, were going to drag on the floor and have to be dry-cleaned (which I couldn't afford here)!?

-HORROR! The whole look I had carefully put together was going to be ruined AND I was going to look 5 KG fatter because I was wearing those heels to compensate for that weight i'd put on from the POTATOES around here!?

Worst of all- ( and even living on the Polar Ice Cap- no one has a sane answer for me on this one-)

What if my feet were cold?!?

When I first arrived here as a poor little immigrant- oh, back in January of '07, I moved in and without a thought, and NATCH! - I wore shoes in my new "home". Never you mind that when I moved here, I was living with my husband and his two grown sons who have seriously 3 pairs of the biggest feet I have ever seen- and MYCKET pairs of GYNORMOUS SHOES TRAILED anywhere within a meter and half around the front door...on a set-up not dissimilar to the one photoed above.....yeech!

It was a clue that I didn't even pick up on - for some time....."They" went barefoot or slid around in socks and I - WORE SHOES in the house. as IF there was a question....

I later came to find out that my husband had had to explain this odd American behavior to his kids on the side (seriously)....

" See, guys,..... what she is wearing in the house here are her 'INDOOR SHOES' " ....

uhhh.....right....even they realized soon enough that the heavy winter boots that I was wearing were.....not.....

my "INDOOR SHOES".

You see, also i MITT HEMLAND- there are only a few certain types of people that would be "vulgar" enough to require that you take off shoes inside their home:

a.) the friend that just paid a fortune to install new white wall-to-wall carpeting - closely related to the "occassional" pretentious freak- that wants to MAKE you KNOW how CLEAN and PERFECT her home is becuase it is vacuumed every two days....(and YOURS isn't!?)

b.) the naturalist freak- that is afraid of the pesticides and other chemical-y things that you might drag into their Oats-n-Granola pad .....

c.)or the new Mommy- afraid of the same pesticides as the category B type above- that might be visited on their new baby's gentle nostrils...

For God's sake,people:

"Sex and the City" did a whole episode about this once- remember when Carrie lost her Manolo's becuase someone stole them in the "shoe melee" at a party once when she went to the home of an above listed "category A" -(or was that a Category C )friend? It was a tragedy of EPIC PROPORTIONS- or at least worth a 30 minute segment. Not only did poor Carrie have to ruin her outfit for the party without the shoes on, she lost a brand new $400 pair of shoes out of the whole thing when some unscrupulous guest "upgraded" on the way out the door...accusations ensued, the friend forked over SOME of the money to pay her back for her lost shoes- but not all of it --as i recall- and in the end- Carrie had to write her friend off as being more of a control -freak bitch than she had considered her to be.

I refuse to be considered any of these types. Period. In Mitt Hemland- people that require that you take off shoes in their home are generally percieved as some version of a "pretentious snot" - no matter if they are A , B or C types.

In my new home here,I consider myself to be a testing ground for the reaction of the average Swede arriving to a home - not exactly laid out with the Shoe Ditchin' Area DIRECTLY INSIDE. Not intentionally, my Shoe and Coat Cesspool Area is a bit undefined here now. A guest to my home has to enter an interior stairwell in my apartment to even arrive on the upstairs landing to this "area". Once arrived there, even then- mine is, in swedish term, is a mightely poorly defined area. I have a huge French Poster instead of a Coat Hanging Contraption-OBS! and under it, only have a bench with the "family shoes" ( the hubbies' and Sixten's shoes- not mine God Forbid!) crammed underneath it. And then!- the COATS have to come off and be hung in a closet across the "American Foyer"-( insert visual of - Entry Way Table with amusing Shells to "intrigue and delite" ) Area opposite that. I've seen Swedes and even the average well- indoctrinated ex-pat get at the least a titch nervous and caught off guard when entering my home, when welcomed by my "Decidedly Alien Ditching Area", and when greeted with my cheery assertive," PLEASE feel free to leave your shoes on here!" I have to admit, I get a giggle at least every time....I'm sorry to say.....

As insulting as it is to a swedish person to leave shoes ON in their home-

-a good friend knows in MY house- they leave their shoes ON to not insult me.

I think it will always be a challenge for me- and not wanting to be rude, I generally try to comply- but sometimes I do honestly forget to Ditch. And IF any of my swedish friends have read thus far- I'm not MEANING to "insult" or "horrify" if I walk into your home and forget to take my shoes off.....

I just truly - do not - think- of - it-----

at all....

apparently my god given "right to wear shoes"- has been taken away from me- here...

Lesson for the SOLE today-

God grant me the patience to accept cultural differences...( seems I've asked for this before.....)...and to squelch that desire to shout out - " You'd think this is frickin' JAPAN around here!!!" every single time i have to remove my shoes in someones' home......

or to screech "UGH! "-every single time I have to pick up the hubbie's or Sixten's shoes and cram them under the bench- where- need I remind them- where - they-BELONG!

Swedish Word for the Day- FOAJE- that's a FOYER..... or Shoe Ditching Area.

'nuf said for the day!- at least I got you - in the door-

believe me - the plot thickens.....

a brief pictoral essay on why Manolo Blahnik will never open a store in Sweden

2009-09-07T08:49:00.004+02:00

just your average swedish gal out for a party afternoon- in the summer-

note the

charming( vinyl-as if that needs to be said)

high summer foot wear.....

but......if I had to describe the one shoe that i truly beleive every swedish woman has in their closet- well, here it is.....

......pulled straight out of this months new editions here...

.... it's really nice to know that season in and season out, it's fashion boots like this that you can always find in stock here in Sweden.... vinyl scrunchie boots with the vinyl straps and the antique silver ( oops! can you spot an up-trend there?!) studs....it truly is a number that you want year after year after year( since oh about what? 1984!?)

and as if that isn't enough....there is truly every version in the book around here....gotta love that SCRUNCH THANG,huh!?and worse they charge way more than 100 sek for this!

BUT WAIT!!!

be still my heart!

this is a NEW FASHION beauty for sale here this fall in Sweden- i just can't wait!

do you know it comes in several other colors- just as lovely!?

i could go on......

(that is if I could just download a bit better!)

....but I'm thinkin' you're seeing where I'm goin' right?

god bless the man that created this....

manolo......'nuf said....... really...

lesson for the (sole) today- uhhh....MEOW!?!

word for the DAY: SKOR I SVERIGE- that's the subject of this week's expose- the SHOES of SWEDEN......

and sometimes there are just things that truly defy explanation...and photos are the only thing to explain it....

WInd to rip your t$*% off......vinden slita dina bröst off

2009-09-04T10:41:00.004+02:00

oh god.

today i make my way to the first day of SFI (that's swedish for: Svenska For Invandarare) -

or something close-aka: Swedish for Immigrant(Idiots).

that's me....

and on the 4th of September, I am being forced to head out into winds, as the title states above-strong enough( not to mention cold enough) to freeze or rip your T#*$ OFF!

In one single day- i am now going to have to go straight for the "bulk" of my clothing collection-

the HEAVY sweater.....

all while NYC ( mitt hemland) is enjoying some of what they often call the 10 best days of the year).......perfect temperatures, perfect sky, bellissimo....( the tragic fact that Olivia and I also call it "September 11th weather" will be left for another post...)

The trees, that I so love, off my balcony are loud and noisy in the whipping and beating that they are taking from the wind and nasty off-and-on spats of rain....

by the end of next week I am quite sure they will be ripped back to their grey gnarly bark for the next .....forever....

there is no joy in this.

period.

and it's the price you pay for living on the North Pole.

period.

and there's not a dang thing more to be said about it either- least I'm late for that SFI class today....

so-it's a pretty thin one today but-

MY LESSON FOR THE SOUL TODAY IS: be thankful if only for the convenient opportunity that the Swedish Government has provided me- a free activity to participate in INSIDE while the WINDS RIP UP the WORLD OUTSIDE: free swedish lessons with a whole bunch of other Invandarare put there to amuse me-ha!

NOW if I could only get there in one piece.

Swedish words for the day:vinden slita dina bröst off - which is in english-the title of this post- .....and if you can't figure out what "bröst" is - or what "T@*# " are- you are apparently too young to be reading my blog- and I'll ask you to get off of here immediately....

this, I think is going to get quite ...ugly.....

Stay tuned- next week! - a 5 part dissertation on one of the major banes of my existence here:

Swedes and SHOES....

and yes, it's worthy of a whole weeks worth of blogs, truly .

note: Dissertation shall include , but not be limited to, why I believe that Joe Cocker is really ...a swede in disguise....

now you think on THAT for the weekend - and come back for the answer next week- okay!?

2009-09-02T09:39:00.000+02:00

IT WAS good!...and it is GOOD and it's gonna BE good for a VERY LONG TIME!

you are viewing an "historical masterpiece" here.

... no.... it's not Botticelli's Venus-( although there are similarities in the seashell theme )

...this was very own, very DIY wedding cake from our wedding last year.

and this past Saturday , the husband and I found the time to do what we had needed to do for the past 3 weeks after our 1st anniversary.

We participated in that most questionable of all American wedding traditions-

we each ate a slice of the top of it..... a year

.....and 3 weeks after the fact....(logistics having interfered with the actual date...)

and I'm alive to day to tell you -believe it or not- it WAS.....good!

In the US, we have this weird tradition of saving the top layer of the wedding cake to eat a year later on your anniversary - for luck- an upset tummy- or a trip to the hospital emergency room -whichever of these comes to pass -

.... all supposing that IF you survived it, that you will indeed go on to be blessed with a fine marriage for the remainder of your days.....

fortunately, i have at least now concluded that with a VERY NICE bottle of champagne, even a year old cake can taste good...and thus insure wedded bliss for the future.....

oddly enough, this was not a tradition that the hubbie was very much looking for ward to participating in. But I had him convinced that for the sake of our marriage- this is an activity that HAD TO be done.

Now he'd had a year to think on it and warm up to the idea. The cake top itself has been a challenge to keep. It has made a round-trip back and forth across Sweden - survived 3 moves, a boat ride, a ferry ride and a year of threats to "pitch the damn thing" at least every other week from the hubbie who has managed to cram ,shove, hide, loose and kick punt the poor thing around in the freezer for a solid year.

now.....being married prior to an American, I had participated in this ritual once before- many moons ago, on the terrace of our apartment in Manhattan overlooking the New York City skyline. I think one taste of the Rancid Slice - we both spit it out in the general direction of the Empire State Building - and that was that.

divorce followed ....inevitably --- 14 years later ...

- blame the CAKE...

So believing all of my own mental malarkey and attempting not to repeat errors of the past - I was convinced that we were going to have to do substantially better.....

and down a whole slice of it-EACH...

We had a glass of the Veuve Cliquot to start- and then the moment that I thought my husband was going to say- "this American thang has just really gone too far!".....

we both took a bite( yeah, yeah,w e even did that cheesy "feeding each other bit"- to try to lighten the scene a bit)

"ummmm,..ummmmm..! o-KAY!- in that adorable way Swedes can say that phrase- o-k A Y !

but - it seriously-tasted

.....really good...

and so it came to pass that we each ate our own darned slices-

without a problem.....( save the increasing giggles from the champagne on my part...)

and without the desperate threats that I feared I was going to have to throw out....

OK- the cake wasn't PERFECT-a bit damp-ish- I won't even say soggy....

but ....to draw upon the obvious analogy- what marriage is perfect either ?

no our marriage isn't perfect........but I have to give it a very high mark- like the 1 year- 3 week cake slices. I found a really great guy in that cellar bar at the hotel in Gurgaon, India . And although we will both admit to fighting occasionally, most of our fights..... end up in laughs, because we both realize how hard we are TRYING TO actually FIGHT- ( as if we are trying to re-enact that primordial dance of arguing with one's spouse that we both had drilled into our marital behavioral patterns during our first Attempts at Wedded Bliss.)

Like the cake was on the day we got married - and as good as it tasted Saturday night- It's all delicious, even of it's a bit "less than optimal" at times....

Lesson for the Soul- This is one to take to the bank.-there's a reason why you believe in silly traditions!

And...... I think it was OK- but,the rest of the cake top was summarily DUMPED in the trash the next morning....( there were no traditions on that at least.)

Swedish word(s) of the Day- Det var bra.......det är bra och det kommer att vara bra under en mycket lång tid!

IT WAS good!...and it is GOOD and it's gonna BE good for a VERY LONG TIME!

.........this time around at least- i know it all was done right!!

the FALL days of August....and quotin' my favourite FILMER!!

2009-08-29T09:31:00.005+02:00

there are few phrases better than Mammy's line in Gone With the Wind:

"It ain't fittin', it just ain't fittin'.."

(..now this was when she was making a comment about another of Scarlett's notorious liasons or something like that...)

but that line came out of my mouth ( and out loud too!) this morning as I was standing on the BALKONG- feeling the 58F teperature on the 29th of August here - looking at the trees trying to determine if that slight yellowish tinge that I am starting to see on the trees REALLY IS WHAT I HOPE it ISN'T-

"It ain't fittin', it just ain't fittin' !"

Yes, in Polar Ice Cap country here- it is FIRCKIN' FRACKIn' Mudder F@&^$' --------TIME FOR-----

FALL!!!!! aghhhhh....

Hiding back inside-as I look out, my big huge heavy as hell balcony umbrella just blew over....

o GAWD- the gig is soooooo up.....

depression knows no depths like a woman who was raised on the Gulf Coast of Texas to have to endure a SUMMER as short as this.....

I am and will always be "a summer child". I will always and forever think that it is perfectly normal to be wearing shorts and running around outside on my birthday ( which is the 28th of December.) -to those of you Down Under people that's "winter" on this top of the Planet.....In my heart, I always want that....

yes, I admit it- a year round summer- is just fine by me....never you mind that I've actually spent very few years of my life actually in that type of climate- but I sure do like the idea of it......

the other problem is is that I LOVE summer clothes: I love light flippy dresses, tan skin showing, bikinis and sexy footwear that shows nicely tended toe-nails.....( okay never you mind that I am a closeted foot-fetishist)

(oh-and the shoe thing - well , that's a whole other post for another day around here -being as Swedes have an aversion to wearing shoes one nanno-second longer than they have to upon walking into a door way.....)

.....fat chance I can even wear HALF of my summer wardrobe around here. I "joke" to my husband that I have to change clothes every 3 hours here in the summer just to wear all of my summer clothes at least once in a season.....but it's true....

....and I don't know if that says more about the size of my summer wardrobe vs. what it says about the SHORT duration of "summer"- ( and i use that term loosely)- around here. Suffice it to say- I think it says quite a bit about both......

So as I sit INSIDE today- looking at the SUNNY FRICKIN' FRACKIN' CHILLY EARLY FALL day out there

-and as I glance around thinking about what to rearrange here or there and noticing the slightest Dust Bunny Accumulation in the corner....

.....( and as I seem to be in a movie quotin' mood today....).... I am reminded of another favourite line of mine from another favourite movie of mine-

That Former Texas Girl's Cult Classic:

URBAN COWBOY!.....

" Shit , Bill, y'all live like pigs!...."

( as Bill's Aunt surveyed the interior of his too filthy trailer....)

I just LOVE that line ! It makes me LOL every single time it comes into my head....

now- I'm goin' on record here to say- NO- we don't live like pigs- not at all- but - i could dust a bit- and I'm quite sure the hubbie is just ITCHIN' to vacuum attack those Dust Bunnies here on the weekend again.....

suddenly --I've got a hankerin' to do what you are supposed to do when FALL hits suddenly and you realize the gig is so totally up:

it's TIME to NEST! ( and ok- clean up - a bit.)

Besides- damn! I just really like that line!.....giggle giggle....

so Lesson for the Soul today: Learn to accept the fact that you live on the Polar Ice Cap- learn to accept with grace when the "gig is up"- instead of walking around the house screechin' - "I'm so frickin' COLD " all day long, in that divinely passive-aggressive way I have of reminding my dear husband that he really did drag me off to a Semi-Unfit Place for Habitation.....And learn to enjoy and savour whatever it is that you have to do for the next 9 months til this season begins to come around again.....

NEST, NEST, NEST - and be happy.....

Swedish word for the DAY-

Heck let's do a few here:

HÖST- yep! that's Autumn in these' here parts. Weird word, huh? just weird- ya gotta wonder how they came up with that one....

and because it's just really gonna tickle my funny bone to figure this out:

Fan, Bill, levande ni som svin!! <<<<< that's the "Shit, Bill... " line- in case you didn't figure it out!

(Now..... I knew the word "FAN" -but I didn't know how to SPELL it!!!! FAN!?!?? FAN!?!?! )

ok.....

OKAYYYY!!!...now that's REALLY LOL funny!!!!!!-

FAN for SHIT- huh? FAN for SHIT!?!? .....it makes HÖST seem kinda normal ,huh!?!?.....

man-o-man.....it's gonna be a LONGGGGG ASSSSS WINTER at this rate......(and.... i'll save THAT translation for another day!)

BABY STEPS....BABY ATGARDER ( now thats got a dot on the first A and two dots on the 2nd!)

2009-08-28T11:40:00.007+02:00

making a life.....

hmmmm.....

I keep telling Sixten while he is busy plotting out Phase 1 of his life, I am trying to plot out phase 2.....from here

LITE bit at a time.....

but I have to confront a lot of challenges- for one---this bloody painful language-

..... although I have to say my little "enterprise" with Sixten teaching me Sveska is going along rather well....

it was the perfect combination---he wants money at the end of the week ....and I want ( now WANT may be a very gracious term for it...) correction: I HAVE to learn swedish.....

that was a win-win....i have to say!!....

then, I have my thang goin' with Olivia back home- now, that's blended nicely, but we are trying to take it to " the next level"- this baby's ready to FLY - if you will-.

...if you aren't aware- it's a furniture line we designed in sore need of an aggressive manufacturer. We did THAT to try to get out of......

what I am apparently aiming on going back into! -( apparel, that is....)-with my "little project " that I announced last week on here.....( the project of the 4 stacks of Swedish business plan layouts!) -

that one-

yeah......

at any rate, there seems to be the loveliest gang of smart girls around here in my new PLATZ- Goteborg, that are smart and eager and willing to talk and help .....all of us- ex-pats a bit stuck if you will, in a land and a life that we are all trying to mold into, around, fit in, make a success, you get it.....

it's at least a bit of a struggle for all of us, I think....

I happen to love the photo I posted here today, taken at our wedding last year....the pathway in front of us....

.... for my round TWO here, I may not have a town , a country or a society that I'm familiar with, but at least ( this go 'round)- I have the support of a really great guy....my "gentle swede"- my husband Roy!

I'm re-building for Part 2 - as I've taken to calling it,slowly , but surely....

I'm forced to face new challenges in everything I do here- even how to get to places,what's the protocol, etc, etc...

Lesson for the soul: as a baby, I was WALKING at 10 months. I skipped crawling.

entirely.

For part 2 here- I need to remember that crawling is OK- and even a good thing to do , as long as it gets me where I need to go and ultimately I begin to take some steps....

Swedish word for the Day: BABY ATGARDER-( with one dot over the first A and 2 over the 2nd!)- that means BABY STEPS.

and sometimes even though you've done just fine before in DITT HEMLAND- because it was DITT HEMLAND-

.....sometimes you have to start all over again, crawling before you walk .....

truly, I feel like I am beginning to take some steps now at least- even stride out - just a bit . At least I'm beginning to feel I'm starting to walk well enough to take my hand off the coffee table every now and then!.....

BONK! OWWW!!!!!

thoughts of home.....the HEM LAND

2009-08-27T08:45:00.005+02:00

thoughts of the way things were..... of how my life traveled to this spot......

wow.....so many things, so many senses are barraged,the Empire State building that we all walk under, the heat of the streets on a hot August day, the smell of the subways!, the noise of the taxi cabs, and so many people that float through my mind daily......and in my dreams, as they did last night...

as I sit on my balcony in the gorgeous weather (wow! again!) - I miss home .....the echoes of my friends and family.....I still feel connected as if I'm an astronaut on a Very Long Tether, over Here-breathing and existing, yet still drawing my air and sustenance from Home through this Very Long Tether over that Very Big Pond.....

my dear friends back home that keep me going-

Olivia, who i skype with daily just about - she that often keeps me gratefully tethered to home-

Carole-my first boss in NYC and always my Beacon Buddha, even with all her troubles now - the economy and how to survive....

Peers and Titou- the "fearless" duo!- so poetic and magical both of them!....struggling but always finding a bit of fluff of Magic Fairy Dust to make it to the next day....(oh yes, that's Titou in Bergdorf's window there-long story for another day perhaps-but, see what I mean about the Fairy Dust?!...)

my own little sister- Baby HeHe- having traded a life in LaLa Land to live now in New York City-and doing quite well, even though she announces how "miserable" she is in her Rat Race there--- while skyping me from her boyfriend's house out in the Hamptons - a bored Golf Widow......ahhh,little sis - "you are indeed a New Yorker now!.."

always and forever.....New York City..... which save a fateful drink at a bar in a certain hotel in Gurgaon ,India on May 3rd, 2007,with a certain Swedish gentleman, is probably where I would still be-...

I guess it was Ted Kennedy who died yesterday- that really made me miss home- that really made me realize that -in the words of the song:"Life goes on without me!" ......

as I sit and drink my long KOPP KAFFE- ( thankfully this morning the coffee issue is resolved!)-on my BALKONG-Teddy- the standard bearer of the Health Care Debate back home- God bless him....Godspeed to his causes that in his death may help all Americans.....

so much happening back home and here I sit...but,.....if I listen closely I can almost here the beat, beat beat of the City and the Country that I left.....

not that I may not go Home again- draw up the Very Long Tether and land again on that side of the Very Big Pond-(lest anyone panic,now!)- but Here and Now is my reality..here in my little Swedish Bubble, where i sit and try ot mastermind the Second Half of My Days.....

I have a recently made a very dear friend from the U.S., that is living over here. She is returning on a jet plane back to the Hem Land tomorrow to begin again over there...returning with her Swedish husband, and two children that she had over here.....All my good wishes and hopes go with her as she returns....She is understandably full of trepidation about returning back to a land where the Health Care issues and the Obama bashing seems to be the word on everyone's lips......I know she'll be fine....but she, like I would be, is nervous about leaving our little Swedish Bubble over here....- back to the land where things go Bang! Bang! so fast and furious back home and yet go sooooovery slooowwwly over here.....i can understand her anxiety....She'll be fine- and do fabulously ,in fact....returning to the "Land of Opportunity" .......Her little boy has announced that he "only wants to speak Swedish " when he lands in the US to make his life.....(Good luck ,Little Guy!)......asides from dramas like that- I know she'll be JUST FINE!!....

still....

to my dear friend-bring just a bit of my Heart back there with you, to keep an eye on things,will ya? and in turn..... I' ll watch this little Swedish Bubble for ya over here, OK?...

Lesson for the Soul Today-those things, people and places that created me and made me what I am now,are part of the Sum Total of Little Old Me that sits here today....may they continue to bring me solace and comfort and laughs and joy and just that touch of longing inside for the rest of my days.....

Swedish Word of the Day- that's really simple: HEM LAND- the Home Land - a place that we all have , not only geographically, but in our hearts and in our blood, and is that funny mix of all the things that make us "tick"....

meanwhile.....Would ya check the Air Pressure gauge on that Very Long Tether for me? and while your at it - shoot me over a big old huge New York bagel with lox and cream cheese,capers and onions on it- I sure would like one right about now...

TACK !....TACK SÅ MYCKET!

all I wanted was en KOPP KAFFE- SWEDES and COFFEE!!!

2009-08-26T09:32:00.004+02:00

grrrrrr....

double GRRRRRRRR....

triple GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

i woke up this morning to go fix my cup o' joe, which i have to do when hubbie is out of town.....

there was ...NO.....coffee......at all......

oh GAWD.......

there was evidence of coffee having been drunk last night......but no note: "gee! sorry we're out of coffee."

no warning when I took off to the store yesterday...."uh, I think we're about OUT of COFFEE..."

nothing...until this morning when i found INGENTING! ( DENADA! NOTHING!)

except for me in a bad mood growling in the kitchen because there was no coffee......

OK- i'm naming him- this is WAR!

SIXTEN DAH-LINGGG!

You drink coffee like it's going out of style - like it's growing on trees( ok - so it does grow on trees- ) but you get my point! You'll drink up the GDP of the USA in two days if given the opportunity!

Once again- he knows not what sins he commits-poor Sixten!- He is genetically pre-disposed to it.

see.... Swedes drink coffee like most of the rest of world drinks water out of bottles.

Intravenously almost.

They even have a word for it:

FIKA- the COFFEE BREAK ( by the way- they are very PROUD of that word,too!) FIKA- which they must do non-stop at work , at play, constantly. FIKA- which you must do with friends ad nauseum- which is the single biggest reason why I am off ot Vikt Vaktarna!

"we need to talk"- "Shall we have some coffee"?

In my house, there is the usual COFFEE in the morning, of course. (This is a well recognized world -wide behavior anymore. I myself, would happily stop there-)

it's enough.

By lunch , I'm swinging into more edgey drinks: Coca Cola Light, etc., continuing on to eventually a glass of wine with dinner or the occasional Gin and Tonic - always Friday evening at 5 ( at least in this country!)....

but NOOOOOOOO...these guys continue on after that cup o' joe in the a.m.

a mid-morning FIKA break
a touch often after lunch
the mid afternoon FIKA break
then - gag me! the hubbie will often come home after work and WANT a CUP of COFFEE! ( The Archie Bunker beer doesn't fly here!0 Can you believe it.
then there's the evening coffee
and the late night coffee

all to say- it was that LATE NIGHT coffee of Sixten's that SCREWED me this morning....

this causes me trouble on all kinds of levels:

#1- in cases of my husband's son, I don't intervene- not my job- I turn it over to Pops- you should have seen the email I just sent the poor hubbie

#2- I'll be gosh -danged if I'M the one going to buy the next pack of coffee for this house ( I'll go without)

#3.) meanwhile- I just do without and SUFFER.....( which brings me towards the swedish word for the day...)

AND in turn it leads me to the somewhat shallow lesson for my soul for the day:

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR IS WRONG- but SOMETIMES there is NOTHING more enjoyable.

Therefore- in about 10 minutes I'm waking my Teacher Sixten UPP for our SVENSKA KLASS-

and when he asks where the coffee is-

you got it-it's gonna go like this:

"I'm sorry. We don't have any coffee this morning. Someone drank all of it yesterday. But , hey, I'm on a tight schedule today- so let's just get going- Where were we..... Chapter 13 was it?'

IN the MIDST of the PAIN and AGONY of PERSONAL SUFFERING- one can stil find the INNER STRENGTH to be PASSIVELY AGGRESSIVE! and enjoy it.

SWEDISH WORD FOR THE DAY:ATT LIDA- means: TO SUFFER- that which we will do all through swedish class this morning withOUT coffee!

But won't it feel good!?!....

in your own SHOEBOX- SKO LADA ( with a dot over the first A)

2009-08-25T07:05:00.006+02:00

as much as I complain about sweden...in all fairness I can safely say, I'm glad I'm not back in the US anymore....( please understand that my view of WHAT the USA is lies somewhere to the WEST of the Hudson RIver....)

Like many of us, i have some dear old friends that I've re-connected with on FaceBook- gee! who hasn't? You reconnect with High School chums- and oops! something has disconnected in the 30 years since you last saw them. Well, maybe you disconnected - or something.

(As you can tell from my happy pix here - this is going to get a bit religious and a bit political.....)

Being originally from Texas, I have a lot of my old chums back there. Texas was a land-of-the-Born-Agains.....heck, I'm even Born-Again myself. There was something that said you couldn't even walk out your door in Lubbock,Texas if you hadn't been dunked under the water there. I got dunked. yep. and that "saved" me- or so I was told back then.

I carry my God with me to this day. He and I - we got a thing goin' on.....OUR OWN THANG. Leave me alone about it. I'll leave you alone about your thang.

The viewpoints of some of my old buddies absolutely stymies me. Christians railing about wanting to have Prayer in Schools ( yes, in PUBLIC SCHOOLS) . Carrying on about how Obama is the EVIL ONE-and ANYONE who voted for him , is headed straight to HELL in a handbasket.

Railing about how Health Care reform is EVIL- the work of the devil practically.

And my favourite FaceBook from one of my buddies back in the HEMLAND-so far: " Healthcare wasn't in the US Constitution" - so why should we support it?!?!?

Really!

REALLY!

And this spoken from someone that I believed to be intelligent.

....neither was MANDATORY WEARING OF SAFETY BELTS in CARS or BABY SEATS in the Constitution.... which I suppose therefore means that we shouldn't have to use them??

All in all, it's a bit frightening- and all I have to say is- thank God , I live in Stallin's backyard now--none of this stuff flies here. And although some ( probably some of my friends if I bluntly asked them) would tell me I am living in HELL ITSELF-in a country full of UNWED PARENTS- all of us doomed to go to HELL for our evil ways- I just don't see it that way.....

What is it about stepping outside of your SAFE ZONE ( Lubbock, Texas for example?) that inspires thought- that inspires actually thinking outside-of-the-box? Is it simply THINKING outside of the Box that dooms you to hell? Or is actually believing those things that you find outside of the box that dooms you to hell?

yes, I went to school in Lubbock, Texas( look that one up on Google maps in the middle of nowhere land, will ya?) Right next to Buddy Holly's grave if you will. But they got something very special going on there- in the middle of nowhere I found some of the very FEW of us- that are apparently the lucky ones going straight to Heaven.

The thing that chased me out of Texas as fast as my little airplane ticket would carry me can be summed up in a singular episode that occurred to me there once...

I had an Evangelical Boyfriend back then.We went to an Evangelical Church. We went to said church one fine Sunday morning along with the yes- several THOUSAND others that marched into the HUMONGOUS auditorium there every Sunday. And we listened to our PERFECT pastor with his PERFECT HAIR tell us how we were all wonderful ,saved and blessed by the Lord Almighty,etc. every week. WOW! Weren't we special?! Had me goin' for a while there ,too, until....

this one morning- After some time praising all of us- (himself included, natch!)- He began to urge us on to be the Missionaries that God had wanted us to be. And then it came- as if to drive home the point that we had all better pack our bags right then and there and go spreading the Good Word.....

He-of-the-Perfect-Hair spoke to us of China. He told us HOW MANY people lived there ( even back in 1983 ,it was quite a few !)Then, the Pastor of the Bleached Blond Shellaced Hair in the Poly Suit told us- If ALL OF THESE PEOPLE did not accept (OUR) God as their Lord and Savior -and this is the kicker- even if they had never HEARD of him- (were living in some remote section and had never HEARD of Him) that - you guessed it- They were all going to go to Hell ( and trust me-there was no mincing of words here on this point)

UNLESS- and this was it- UNLESS- we all personally went over there and made them know and accept ( OUR) God- and fast! ( They were losing souls over there every day!)

Now,I'd never been to China at that time- but the thought of almost a billion souls going to hell through no fault of their own- because they hadn't heard about MY GOD and accepted MY GOD -was a little too much to bear.

As I recall I got up and walked out.

I'd had enough. Revolting.

(speaking of revolting- that Perfect Pastor of the Perfect Hair "revolted" shortly after that too- Took off with a teenage boy or two to Arizona on a private plane or something- abandoned his family- was never heard from again- just POOFED-gone. I 'm not sure who or what he was off to Arizona to save other than the teenage boy or two that he took with him...hmmmm.....)

All in all, it was philosophies like that that caused me to question how dare I assume that I was so fortunate to be one of the few that had come to know God with this perfect group of perfect people TRULY IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE that apparently were some of the few lot of us on this planet destined to go to Heaven? Something just didn't figure to me.

Needless to say, I got the HELL outta HEAVEN THERE on the fastest plane I could find.

And as you see that "fast plane" has landed me here- living somewhat happily in Stallin's backyard,- if it ain't HELL -as I am sure that some of my friends would have me believe that it is-or at least the Gateway to It.... what with all these evil bad people over here that live SAMBO and having children out of wedlock- even if they are in a committed relationship...., that have free healthcare- and use it, that are SOCIALISTIC in their voting patterns -many of them-, that have blond hair and copulate endlessly.....( or so the reputation goes..)

This is the Gateway to Hell indeed.

Food for the Soul today: God grant me the patience to endure FaceBook somedays! Or the WISDOM to get the heck off of there- if it derails my day! Grant me the patience to understand that the only reason a lot of these people continue to believe the exact same things that their parents told them to believe 30 years ago-is because they are still in Their Own Little Shoebox- and for them- it's safe in there.

Swedish Word of the Day- SKO LADA ( with a DOt over the 1st A)- SHOE BOX-may you enjoy your own ..and let me enjoy mine,too!

the next time I complain about HERE- my SHOE BOX for now- a.k.a.- HELL's GATEWAY- I need to remind myself, that I once lived in LUBBOCK, TEXAS

- and THAT was HEAVEN....

right?.....

in a GOOD MOOD- på gott humör!

2009-08-22T11:17:00.004+02:00

gee! I don't know how it happened even! but I'm in a GOOD MOOD!

don't let it shock you or anything- and I'm trying to figure out why....

not in any particular order here, lest the hubbie at #5 gets pissed !

let's just REVIEW what's goin' on here.....

fabulous gorgeous morning on the BALKONG- ok so it feels like a gorgeous early FALL day - and it's only the 22nd of AUGUST, but man! I love my balcony , I LOVE my gorgeous view with HUGE trees, apple trees in the neighbors yard, BUCOLIA HEAVEN!
because SMHI predicted a CRAPPY CLOUDY day- and ( so far) they were SOOOOOO WRONG!
because SOUTHERN NIGHT last nite was fabulous- the Swedish Sector loved the Chicken Fried Steak-( thanks to Kara- one of my "readers" here for suggesting that one! ) YUMMMM!!!
because OLIVIA and i had a really lovely chat yesterday on SKYPE-she calls from work mid day for her from NY- usually while I'm fixing dinner or having cocktails..... WOW! we figured out we've known each other 19 YEARS!- masterminded at least 2 EMPIRES ( even if they haven't come to fruition YET), done some FUN SURPRISE B'DAY bashes together,eaten a gadbillion dinners together, done Venice togheter even!, have had a lot of general fun and good times that have given us a really FABULOUS FRIENDSHIP- and we hope yet to still conquer the world together!!!! Love ya and miss you too Olivia!!! XOXO!!
oh- because I have the most wonderful husband in the world- that makes living in Stallin's Backyard -aka The Dark Side of Pluto- ALL WORTHWHILE....."I LUV MY HUBBIE!!!!"
because it's Saturday morning and the rest of the weekend is out before us
because i've already made some great friends over here- even if one of them is jumping ship this week back to the US- at least there's skype!
a Woody Allen movie tonight to remind me of home
i have a PLACE that I love to live in- a BARN RED kitchen I love, a new sitting area in my bedroom that should hold me through the winter...- all my things here that I really love - things yet to "fix"- but that's just "future fun"!
laundry that's done for now
a "future business " here ahead of me!?!? t.b.d.!!

and to coin Letterman- the #1 reason I'm so damn happy : The BUG that kept kicking me off of Facebook all morning miraculously fixed itself and WHEW! I'm back in action....

..now that could have been catastrophic and caused this entire Rare Joyous Posting- to not even happen!!!

mostly-and with no number attached to it:

mostly because sometimes I like just being a SAP like this and thinkin' the world is such a groovy place!!

and.... I'm OLD ENOUGH not to give a rats' ass if anyone thinks i'm simply on drugs, got laid, sniffed glue, or won the lottery, gone off the deep end .....or not!

LESSON for the SOUL- ENJOY! ENJOY ! ENJOY! You may not have everything or even everything that you want or even think you NEED- but right now - it's ALL GOOD!!!

SWEDISH WORD/PHRASE FOR THE DAY: på gott humör-IN A GOOD MOOD- that's it-

now,don't mind me while I hop off of here and go enjoy the moment!.....ain't no one, INGENTING( nothin'!), stopping me today!!!-except that really grey cloud over there!!!!GRRRRR!!

HEY!!!

BACK OFF!!!!!!!

the GREAT EXPERIMENT...DEN STORA EXPERIMENT

2009-08-21T10:18:00.006+02:00

Sometimes the answer to your own problems lie right under your nose.....( or perhaps... downstairs in your own house)

it came to me one afternoon earlier in the week here as I was busy pouring through lists of swedish verbs to memorize upstairs on my BALKONG-( aka BALCONY).......

that right downstairs ..... the answers to my troubles may indeed lie.

and I mean literally- "LIE"-right there in front of the TV, multi-tasking both his Minimum Daily Requirements of Jerry Springer and Facebook.....

SIXTEN!

It suddenly dawned on me in my frustration of cramming TALA-TALAR-TALADE-TALAT.....(aka to SPEAK, SPEAKING, SPOKE, HAVE SPOKEN)......

that SIXTEN had something that I wanted and could desperately use:

SIXTEN has FULL MASTERY of the SWEDISH language....

and obviously-I do........ NOT!

hmmmmmm....i may not have been a parent before to understand the workings of a 19 year old brain, but i had been a 19 year old and recalled very clearly to negotiate HIM GIVING me WHAT I wanted- it was going to have to involve some Kroner-a.k.a.-SEK ( or..... the swedish version of this:$- that still comes up on my American keyboard! this$$$$$ !)

.......after Spousal Negotiations and all- and an Approach and Agreement by Sixten-

all were agreed:

At Home Svenska Classes were to commence....

So , my dear friends- THE GREAT EXPERIMENT - aka DEN STORA EXPERIMENT has begun......

I ask you:

Can a cynical middle aged stubborn American( me...) learn swedish from a 19 year old Swedish male with thoughts only of conquering the world while munching on popcorn and writing on Facebook!?

Well ,least you think we would make it this far; WE are on DAY #2 already!

Works as such:

MONDAG til FRIDAG, in the MORNING- ( which gets us both going) the UNLIKELY DUO meets for Class.

Teach comes up with game plan, Student does homework ,writes a diary every day. Teach checks all this and simultaneously urges me on to greater knowledge of the "Language of VAD KUL".....

.....and, in turn he gets paid at the end of the month for doing so....by Hubbie,Pops, da Boss......

good news is, I think I've picked up a thing or two already.......

Right now we are working on a list of 20 BASIC but CRUCIAL VERBS that are integral in the "WATK":

to CLEAN- att STADA( with 2 dots over the A)

to COOK- att LAGA MAT

to SAY- att SAGA ( with 2 dots over the 1st A)

to NEED- att BEHOVA ( with 2 dots over the O)

and one a girl can never do without:

to WANT-att VILJA

So far , so good.At least I have the weekend now to do my homework! ( whew!)

Lesson for the Soul: Don't be afraid of turning over a rock. Sometimes there's something good under it.

Swedish WORD for the DAY- How 'bout this: I'm just going to go out whole hog on a limb here and make a sentence! ( see how much I have learned already!)

Jag laga mat, jag stada huset och jag säger det om och om igen:

Alla jag behöver och vill ha lite R-E-S-P-E-K-T!

( so I'm missing a couple of DOTS here and there- but it's the best I could do with GOOGLE Translator!OK!?)

all to say in ENGELSKA;

I cook( the food) , I clean( the house) and I say it over and over again:All I need and want is a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

.....works for me!- so far.....

however, already "at school" this morning.......Teach was asking when he was getting paid......

for that,I told him to check with the Boss...

2009-08-20T09:36:00.003+02:00

Weeelllll......"that WAS good!"- to coin the SINGLE most often used swenglish phrase that is spoken in my house-( and the one that most often makes the hair rise on the back of my neck!)- this is usually spoken after the first bite into dinner- "That WAS good".....meaning IS, but due to some lexiconigalistical manner of the swedish language it is uttered: that WAS good....( and the subject of a whole other posting!)

LEXICONIGALISTIC!?!? COOL ,huh?!?! that's KarenSpeak!!!

but already I DIGRESS!!!!

What I mean by "that WAS good"- was that meeting yesterday with -The Director of Creative Services.

She loved the concept of the store- she DUG it , in fact. Very encouraging but brief meeting that will leave Laney and I quite a bit of work to do!

OH and BTW!- the Director of Creative Services- really is a Director of Creative Services- Whatcha know 'bout dat one!?She clued me in to a "whole other set " of people that I now have to speak to.....but that's great.

Now , HER idea was that once the idea is fleshed out-that we could acutally get a whole DIVISION - STORE CHAIN - in fact-"sold" to a major swedish company here and get said company to back me on it all....I would maintain Creative Directorship and have the support of a bigger company behind me....hmmmmm.....hadn't thought of that one ...yet....my first thought is how does one eventually free oneself of that once you are up and flying( cue in: a really good American contract negotiator!)

So it can be cautiously stated that Miss Director of Creative Services has a BRAIN- and a good one,too!

I'm diggin' this. I'm beginning to cautiously feel like a may have EN VINNARE on my hands here! - i mean somewhere down a very long,very SKRAMMANDE road here,but....

for today, I'll give myself this:

I am -(in swedish)- :försiktigt optimistis.

and-HEY LOOK THERE! By literally copying that term out of Google Translator: i got the DOTS!

LESSON for the SOUL: now if I can JUST BE "cautiously optimistic" and not my usual WILDLY OPTIMISTIC- which is my true nature ....but, that's way too LAGOM for ME ,right? or is that what this "big journey" is all about!?....

so-SWEDISH WORD( s) of the DAY: försiktigt optimistis-(oops ! WOW! I did it again!)and that means CAUTIOUSLY OPTIMISTIC- and that is what I am today-

.....and God help my natural tendancies- that's ALL I will be.......

well, this is a bit of a challenge.....SKRAMMANDE ( with 2 dots over the 1st A!)

2009-08-19T09:03:00.005+02:00

in case you haven't heard.....i am contemplating ..and I mean:

C-O-N-T-E-M-P-L-A-T-I-N-G.....opening a "store" of my own here.....in good old Goteborg.....that i hope will become a MEGLO-MANIA empire someday.....ALL over EUROPE....and make me "very very rich"...now there's a laugh!

(if it has failed to escape you, i am about as close to being bored out of my skull as a human can possibly be...)

and,I am here to tell you-as an aside-being bored and having time on ones hands absolutely does not equate to "getting all those things done that you always said- if only i had the time to DO that!...." done at all.

All of those things are still sitting around UNdone.....natch!

take it from me-you actually get more of "those things" done if you are actually working a 10 hour day than sitting on the balcony watching your geraniums grow....

Now, this undertaking that I am CONTEMPLATING....is hopefully involving darling "Laney"- (she of the 25th birthday party last week.....) ....it involves clothing, and it involves us "girls" over 35 or 40.....and involves using whatever brians and talents that I aquired over 23 or so years as a Garmento..... 'nuf said -for now.....

Upon moving to this fair Polar Ice Cap country, I was informed ( probably by another -dare i say- cynical American) that once you became a 35 year old women here - you cut your hair off to a "bob" , gained weight to become somewhat box-like in appearance, and put on the "uniform" of the Swedish Middle Aged Woman- ( here-in-after called the "SMAW") Your apprel for this major segment of your life was to be limited to in the summer : neutral-colored capris and 3/4 sleeve knit top with practical shoes- and in WINTER: black or grey long pants or jeans and a warmer version of above....

Not so far from the truth, i've come to find out....(in all fairness- back "in my country" - out the other side of the Hudson River at least....there is also a "uniform".....and one that is not generally any more flattering than the swedish one here...bearing remarkable similarities in fact..but I digress...)

So somewhere along the way - in the sheer boredom of it all-watching my geraniums grow- and hearing everybody, but everybody, say to me:

"Go out on your own! You can do it!-"

as surely as my geraniums made it through May and are now the Visual Joy of my balcony....the idea festered and grew in my head until I finally said....

"well, yes, maybe I can do that!..."

the husband was ecstatic.....( "oh God,she appeared to be moving- at least!....")

Now an advantage to living in a Socialist Country- is that there is a government agency for absolutely everything- and there are levels and layers of such persons out there just to help any kind of idiot such as myself that has been caught sniffing her geraniums for too long and assumes perhaps she can do more.....and i came ot learn that they are DYING for entrepreneurs such as myself....

"even if you don't really have an idea formulated, come on in! We'll help you!"

cue in :the unemployed of Volvo and Saab.

So ,armed with a list of no less than 10 people in assorted Entrepreneurial Agencies out there to help me, I started off on Monday a.m. to see :

person #1. Mind you- I had no real idea what this person DID- her title was in swedish- but I was told she'd be one of the best to help me-supposeldy she was of the the "I Can Help You If You Don't Speak Swedish Department" -(or so I was told)....

not exactly - but turns out she was a good enough place to start-

indeed: I had landed in the MONEY department!

Well, we and the Money Department had a lovely typical "swedish meeting"- began and ended with natch! -coffee..... and a bunch of the "....hmmmm...ah hmmmm....ah hah....JA.....JA HAH!....oKAYYY! " kinda stuff...

I left feeling invigorated and psyched. She'd promised to send me forms to help me start setting up a Business Plan that afternoon.....

and yes,soon enough, FOUR huge documents arrived to my INBOX-

and

( .....now, never you mind that THIS is the one department that everyone advised me that was THE department that handled all of us ignorant-non-swedish -speaking individuals- and was specifically designed to do that- )

you guessed it-

they arrived all in SWEDISH.....

and so I arrive at my:

SWEDISH WORD OF THE DAY-"SKRAMMANDE" --( with the 2 dots over the 1st "A")-

which equates the only way I can describe this massive stack of SWEDISH BUSINESS PLAN paperwork-in english- DAUNTING!

well, this is a word I might actually remember..... SKRAMmande. (SCRAM!?!? doesn't my good common sense head tell me I'd better run /scram right the other direction from all this!?)

So here I sit- me and two huge stacked copies of all this SWEDISH paperwork!-

and a business plan nonetheless-( the thing "Olivia" and I couldn't ever even put together in ENGELSKA for our "thing" back home even!)

and I'm sitting here with the same stuff -

in SWEDISH-

( oh I said that 50 times already-rriiiiiggggghhhhhttt......)

now that's all the SKRAMMANDE - I need for a while!.....

that and my next meeting this afternoon- with the Director of Creative Services- who I was informed will be able to give me all kinds of great clues as to whether or not my idea of pulling the SMAW ( that same Swedish MiddleAged Woman) out of her khaki capris into something a bit more SPANNANDE-with 2 dots over the 1st "A")-( hah! didn't think I knew that one -did ya!? that's " EXCITING", btw!) is actually VALID....

or ya wanna make a bet- that's not exactly what she's about either?......we'll see .......

LESSON for the SOUL:so, just when you think you've reached the HILL, it just turns out that you've just really reached a FOOT HILL to MOUNT EVEREST!.....) It doesn't mean you can't climb it- but you need to bear in mind it's gonna be a helluva climb!!!!

Swedish WORD FOR the DAY:- (forgive the dotlessness of this)- as above:

SKRAMMANDE- as in: "it's a bit SKRAMMANDE to think about trying to inject a little bit of SPANNANDE into the SMAW's wardrobe....".

this-is one SKRAMMANDE task that i am sure, is to be continued.....

cue in: geraniums and more sniffing.....